March 29th , 2010

Leaving work late the night of March 11, a Las Cruces, New Mexico, man reported finding 18-year-old Austin Purifoy in the back seat of his Honda Civic, pulling up his underwear. He had defecated in the back seat. He had also broken the right front window, and stolen items from the glove compartment. What did the kid say to the car's owner? "This is your car? I thought this was (my girlfriend's) car." Purifoy was was indicted last Thursday on multiple charges of criminal property damage.

March 25th , 2010

Police in Washington arrested a shirtless man brandishing a large sword and armed with throwing knives Tuesday afternoon. The 35-year-old was covered with cuts and scrapes and was stabbing random objects in the parking lot of a building-supply store. An off-duty officer approached him and got him to lay down his weapons. But why was he so agitated in the first place? The man told officers that he was he was "hunting werewolves and C.H.U.D.s" who can disguise themselves as humans.

March 24th , 2010

Two suspects in Connecticut called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to have a bag of money ready for them! They thought they were just being efficient and saving themselves some time, but really they just gave cops advance warning of their arrival. Albert Bailey, 27, and an unnamed 16-year-old boy showed up just 10 minutes after the call was made and police were waiting for them in the parking lot. They were arrested and described by Sgt. James Perez as "not too bright."

March 22nd , 2010

An elderly man in Florida was arrested last Sunday for beating his neighbors' door with a garden hoe because he believed they stole his cookies. The residents called 911 after hearing banging on their front door, which turned out to be their 80-year-old neighbor Gene Edward Chambers. Chambers told officers that he had first knocked on the door, but when no one answered he used the garden hoe. He claimed his neighbors snuck into his house during the night and stole seven boxes of "Little Debbie Oatmeal Cookies." When deputies searched his house, however, they found five boxes of the cookies and a Walmart receipt from the previous day confirming Chambers had bought five boxes. He mistakenly thought he had purchased seven boxes and he mistakenly thought they had been stolen.

March 16th , 2010

Next time you're found drunk and passed out behind the wheel of a stolen car, best not to tell the arresting officer you're going to find him and kill him. According to police in Cincinnati, that's exactly what 31-year-old Damon Bailey did. He was arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated -- a stolen vehicle at that. Bailey also did not have a driver's license and this was his fifth arrest on alcohol and driving charges. After being arrested, Bailey allegedly told the officer, "I will find you and I will kill you."

March 12th , 2010

An Oklahoma man tried to bribe cops into letting him go, but what he offered them was unusual to say the least! Authorities said Rondell Bailey, who had crashed his car into a parking lot, walked into a jail and offered police a stick in exchange for dropping any possible charges against him. He called the stick "the last tree in the universe." When deputies refused this tempting offer, Bailey left and threw a brick through the jail window. Not surprisingly, investigators discovered a white powder thought to be methamphetamine during a search of the suspect's truck. They arrested him on destruction of property and drug charges.

March 11th , 2010

Residents in Florida saw a man trying to break into their car last Friday and used the vehicle's remote-controlled locking mechanism to trap him inside! The Lake City residents were alerted by a neighbor that someone was attempting to steal their car and, thinking fast, the owners grabbed their remote-control keychain and used it to lock all the doors. Every time the burglar tried to get out, they just kept clicking the lock button. Eventually, he gave up trying. Guess he couldn't hot wire the car to drive away either! Travis James Neeley, 19, was arrested and charged with burglary of a vehicle, possession of burglary tools, criminal mischief and trespassing.

March 3rd , 2010

Michael Black, 19, called police to report that he had been assaulted by three men with razor blades Sunday. But cops discovered he actually cut himself by running shirtless through the woods and punching trees. That's a pretty big departure from his original story. The Scranton, Pennsylvania man said in addition to getting slashed, his "assailants" hit him on the back of the head and cursed him. He really did have a concussion, but it was because he slipped and fell on some ice. Maybe the bump on the noggin is what prompted his wildly imaginative claim. In a subsequent interview with police, Black admitted he made the whole thing up and said he ran through the forest because he was angry over personal issues.

March 2nd , 2010

A German robber held up the same bank in Hamburg twice within 24 hours just a week after being released from jail - for the same crime. The 50-year-old man went into the bank and flashed a pistol, saying: "I was here yesterday, and I want money again today!" He made off with around $600, but with the help of video surveillance cameras, police were able to arrest him three hours later. He had been in jail for robbing banks in 2002 and 2004.

February 26th, 2010

Police in Daytona, Florida, arrested two burglary suspects after they accidentally dialed 911 while discussing their recent thievery. Dispatchers listened Sunday afternoon as Stefanie Vargas, 19, and Kristian Amezquita, 13, burglarized a car and discussed the crime while in the process. They traced the accidental 911 call and quickly arrested the two, who allegedly still had the stolen items with them at the time of their arrests.

February 25th, 2010

If you're not satisfied with the quality of your marijuana it's probably best to go to your dealer with those complaints...not the police. A 26-year-old dope smoker in Sweden walked into a police station last week to report that he believed his weed was laced with LSD. That's a distinct possibility, considering the fact that when he smoked the joint his television began to talk to him and his girlfriend turned into a dolphin. The man said he was left feeling shaken and frightened by the trippy incident. However, he wouldn't divulge the name of his supplier, so there was really little police could do. Except maybe charge him with possession. All that weed is turning his brain to mush.

February 24th, 2010

A Louisville, Colorado man is going to trial, suspected of masturbating while working behind the meat counter at a Safeway store. Nicholas Lorenzo, 25, was arrested January 31 after a woman told police that she approached the meat counter and noticed some motion from behind the glass door, and then saw the employee - who was later identified as Lorenzo - "holding his penis." The woman said he was masturbating while talking with her, and when he saw the shocked look on her face, he put his penis back in his pants. When police confronted Lorenzo about the allegations, he admitted to "having his penis out of his pants."

February 19th, 2010

A Utah woman recently learned that the side of a busy highway isn't a good place to commit a crime.  KSL.com is reporting that Suzanna McGraw is accused of having sex with a 17-year-old boy along the side of the Interstate-17.  Police were called after receiving a report of a broken down car.  When the officer arrived he found a marijuana pipe and discovered that the vehicle was stolen.  He also witnessed the 34-year-old McGraw and her teenaged companion trying to put their clothes back on.  McGraw is now facing charges of unlawful sexual activity with a minor, possession of a stolen vehicle and possession of drug paraphernalia.  The teen was released to an adult but could still face charges.  McGraw is being held in the Utah County jail on five-thousand-dollars bond.

February 17th, 2010

A woman wearing a bikini and covered in Jell-O was arrested for driving while under the influence shortly after leaving a Milan, Michigan bar last week. The officer's report noted she was wearing only a peach-colored bikini and appeared to have an orange substance on her body. She said she had just left a local bar where she participated in Jell-O wrestling. Her speech was slurred and her eyes appeared bloodshot and watery. The woman, 29, indicated she ate dinner at the bar and had six drinks over several hours. She said she also took a prescription painkiller earlier in the day due to menstrual cramps. Officers kept her at the police station until she sobered up.

February 15th, 2010

The general manager of the Chilean mint has been fired after thousands of coins were issued with the name of the country misspelled. On the 2008 batch of 50 peso coins, the country's name was spelled C-H-I-I-E, instead of C-H-I-L-E. And no one noticed the spelling mistake until late 2009. The coins have since become collectors' items and the mint says it has no plans to take them out of circulation. The mistake has cost the mint's general manager and several other employees, their jobs.

February 11th, 2010

A man in South Kitsap, Washington thought it would be funny to spray "Super Fart Spray" inside a Wal-Mart and douse the floor with "Stink Bombs" liquid. Sounds like something a rowdy teenager would do, but this guy was 51 years old! You'd think he'd have grown out of the pranking phase by now. Police were called to the store after reports of a severe smell that was giving customers headaches. An estimated 75 people had to be evacuated. The man owned up to the smelly deed and admitted there were more bottles of the stink bomb liquid in the glove compartment of his car. The man's girlfriend was apparently shopping and had no idea what he was doing.

February 10th, 2010

A shirtless man in Mesa, Arizona was spotted by cops wearing women's pants with a hole in the crotch and his underwear around his neck! Since the underwear was around his neck, you can imagine what was visible through the hole in the pants. Needless to say, drugs were a factor. When cops approached the man who was hiding behind a vacant home, he flashed a bag of a white powdery substance. The substance turned out to be methamphetamine. The suspect, identified as Edward Rodriguez, was busted on drug charges.

February 9th, 2010

A Flint, Michigan man was arrested after he told police he was robbed at gunpoint when he allegedly attempted to buy crack with a credit card last Thursday night. The victim also reported his 2003 Chevy Malibu had been stolen, but that vehicle was already listed as stolen - he had taken it.

February 4th, 2010

A California resident is blaming his legal troubles on a funny batch of cookies.  According to the "Pittsburgh Post Gazette," Kinman Chan says marijuana cookies led to his arrest last weekend on a US Airways flight from Philadelphia to San Francisco.  Kinman was seen waving and smiling to passengers at the beginning of the flight, but his attitude quickly changed.  He reportedly entered a bathroom during the flight and was heard screaming from inside.  When confronted by airline officials, Kinman allegedly became aggressive and tried to hit a female member of the crew.  Kinman, who has a medical marijuana card, says he had eaten a double dose of marijuana cookies prior to boarding the plane.  He has since been charged in federal court for interfering with the flight.

February 3rd, 2010

Authorities in Michigan say a man was hospitalized with second-degree burns when his homemade sledding rocket pack exploded. The Oakland County Sheriff’s Office said the 62-year-old man constructed a backpack from a motorcycle muffler filled with gasoline and gunpowder, and put on a motorcycle helmet before sledding down his back yard hill with the fuse lit.

“At some point during the ride, the device exploded,” Undersheriff Mike McCabe told a local newspaper. “Apparently, he has this sledding party every year, and he always does outrageous things at it, but he’s never blown himself up before.” McCabe said the man suffered burns to 18 percent of his body, including second-degree burns to his right side and his face.

February 2nd, 2010

A Southern California man ended up behind bars after reporting to officials he was assaulted while he was trying to rob someone.  Police in San Diego say the 43-year-old thief was trying to steal a wallet from an 83-year-old man when a citizen intervened and punched the suspect.  The "San Diego Union-Tribune" reports the would-be thief called police to report that assault.  When officers arrived, they started listening to the stories and once they questioned the 83-year-old, they arrested the suspect who had called them to the scene.

January 29th , 2010

A Florida motorist wasn't holding anything back when he was pulled over by police last week.  According to NWFDailyNews.com, Jason Miles admitted to police that he had thousands of dollars worth of marijuana in his ride.  The 25-year-old was pulled over for speeding last Friday and proceeded to tell the officer, "I got two-thousand-dollars worth of weed in the truck!"  Miles' vehicle was subsequently searched and 110 grams of marijuana, two digital scales and a package of peach flavored cigars were discovered.  The Crestview resident went on to tell police, "Man, you don't know how much weed I smoke."  Miles has been charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and possession of paraphernalia.

January 28th , 2010

A 76-year-old German man set his car on fire while trying to thaw it out. He wanted to speed up the thawing process, so he put a blow heater under the hood. “He burned the vehicle out completely,” said a police spokesman. Police said the man left the heater on next to the frozen windshield washer tank and returned indoors. Shortly afterwards he heard two explosions and returned to find the car completely engulfed in flames. He called the fire department, who arrived just in time to prevent the flames from destroying his house. Including charring of the building, total damages were estimated at $56,240.

January 27th , 2010

Nye Gardner, who lives in the Northern Territories of Australia, broke the Bluetooth headset of his phone. So he superglued it back together. Then, his boss called. He put the earpiece back into his ear and continued his day. After having the headset in his ear for more than five minutes he discovered it was glued into his ear. Gardner used a spoon to scrape the earpiece out of his ear but several pieces of skin were still stuck to it.

January 25th , 2010

In Frankfurt, Germany, an actor was rushed to a hospital after he collapsed on stage while drinking real vodka to give a convincing portrayal of a Russian drunk. Marc Schulze, 36 - appearing in a play called "Moscow - Petushki" - drank one shot after another during the course of the show. But the audience realized something was wrong when he started missing his lines and staring blankly at other actors. One theatergoer said: "He was turning in a very realistic performance and it looked really impressive. I was amazed at how good his drunken staggering was and how he was slurring his words. Then he just collapsed." He's been ordered by producers to stick to water in future shows.

January 21st , 2010

Kelly Lovato of Texas made it pretty easy for police to place him in custody.  The 24-year-old Austin resident simply drove to the police station and told officers he had been drinking and also smoked marijuana while driving.  APD Officer Veneza Aguinaga said Lovato drove into a restricted parking garage reserved for APD cars, and now sits in a cell at Travis County Jail with bond set at $42,000.

January 20th , 2010

A Florida man is recovering after making a painful mistake over the weekend. Lazaro Flores was hospitalized Sunday after he accidentally shot himself in the lower right leg. The incident occurred while the 50-year-old was practicing his quick-draw technique. While putting his 32-caliber 1871 revolver back in its holster, Flores accidentally pulled the trigger. The Cape Coral resident was taken to Gulf Coast Hospital where the bullet was removed from his leg, and he was treated for his injuries.

January 19th , 2010

A man arrested on burglary charges is claiming to be a modern day super-hero. Danny Zane Tatum told police that he "was like Batman and that he was a vigilante on our side." The 35-year-old made the comments following his arrest last Saturday for allegedly breaking into a Panama City Beach home. Once confronted by authorities, Tatum told the police he could be an addition to the force by ransacking homes after a "dope" bust is made.  He eventually came clean and told the cops he had entered the home through a window and showered and washed clothes.

January 13th , 2010

A group of would-be thieves in Texas made a few critical errors during a recent robbery attempt.  According to the "Houston Chronicle," four men were arrested while trying to rob Camillo's Fine Jewelry in Conroe, Texas.  Unfortunately for the group, the supposed lookout man forgot to disable the building's alarm.  To make matters worse, the alleged getaway driver was discovered by police asleep behind the wheel.  Officers arrested the other two men involved as they ran out the back of the store.  All four men have been charged with burglary of a building and engaging in organized criminal activity.

January 11th , 2010

In Southampton, England, an anxious man walked into a hospital with his penis stuck in a steel pipe. Medics struggled to get the man's penis out of the stainless steel pipe, because the restricted blood flow had caused it to become erect. Failing, they had to call the fire department, who came to the rescue with a four-and-a-half-inch industrial metal grinder to cut the pipe from around the anesthetized man's penis. The penis was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise unharmed by its traumatic day. The man, thought to be aged around 40, did not explain to hospital staff how exactly the pipe got stuck around his penis.

January 7th , 2010

Mark Zachary, 51, was accused of stealing an $80 strip steak from a supermarket in South Carolina. The large chunk of beef was about the size of a bread box, and the store manager noticed it under Zachary's shirt and confronted him. That's when Zachary fled, but as bad luck would have it, he ran right into the path of an off-duty police officer who was entering the store. Throughout his two-day trial, Zachary denied he was trying to steal the meat, saying instead that he was simply "massaging" it. The courts didn't buy his excuse so now he's going to prison for ten years after being given the maximum sentence for shoplifting (third offense or greater).

January 7th , 2010

A sword-swallowing circus performer put himself in a trance for hours after he accidentally hypnotized himself while practicing in the mirror! Helmut Kichmeier - who goes by the stage name Hannibal Helmurto - stood completely transfixed in his London home for five hours before his wife Joanna found him. He had learned to put himself in a trance to help him swallow swords on stage, but this time the hypnosis worked a little too well. Joanna, 22, said he was "just like a zombie" when she found him. She was unable to snap him out of it, so she called his mentor, hypnotherapist Dr. Ray Roberts who was able to talk him back to consciousness. Kichmeier, 38, says he doesn't remember anything from those five hours.

January 6th , 2010

If you're going to rob a CVS, you might want to keep those plans to yourself. According to the police report, 27-year-old Dustin Abney of Indiana approached an employee who was taking a smoke break, announced he was going to rob the joint and asked if the employee wanted any money or pills. The employee went inside and called 911, and moments later Abney tried to steal prescription drugs from the pharmacy counter. Police nabbed the blabber-mouth before he even left the store and found him "armed" with a water hose nozzle.

January 5th , 2010

A weekend trip to the local Wal-Mart resulted in an arrest for one disruptive Ohio resident. According to the "Cincinnati Enquirer," Rodger Wynn was taken into custody after he became belligerent on Saturday afternoon. The 52-year-old reportedly drank a stolen, 12-pack of beer and shouted profanities at customers as he wandered Wal-Mart's aisles. When Fairfax police eventually put him in handcuffs, Wynn threatened to "blow off" the arresting officer's head. His inappropriate behavior continued when he arrived at the police station, as he allegedly urinated several times in the interview room. Rodger Wynn is now facing charges of aggravated menacing and disorderly conduct while intoxicated.

December 17th , 2009

Police officers in Bytom, Poland, were investigating a report of a man who had broken into an office but was spotted by a security guard and fled before police arrived. Police then received a tip he was hiding out in his girlfriend's apartment but a search showed no trace of him. Just as officers were preparing to leave they heard sneezing - coming from inside the refrigerator. When they opened the door of the fridge, they found Jerzy Jancewicz curled up and shivering.

November 20th , 2009

Police in Marion, Iowa arrested a 46-year-old female postal worker for public intoxication after she was found sitting on the kitchen floor of 95-year-old woman's house, eating leftover noodles from her refrigerator. The postal worker was in uniform and supposed to be on the job when she apparently entered the home through an unlocked front door. The woman, a 17-year employee of the U.S. Postal Service, was taken to the Linn County Jail and is now on unpaid leave.

November 19th , 2009

Police in Redding, California were called out to search for a burglary suspect. A local resident, Russell Spade, 41, heard on a police radio scanner that cops were looking for a man wearing khaki pants and a San Francisco 49ers sweatshirt. He wondered if police would notice him if he went outdoors wearing the same clothing as the suspect. They noticed him. Police grabbed him before realizing he didn't totally fit the description of the suspect. However, Spade was arrested for obstructing and delaying a police officer. Cops caught the real suspect as well.

November 18th , 2009

Police in Seattle, Washington, were perplexed after they found a man impaled on a metal fence screaming for help. The man claimed that he thought he was a ninja and tried to leap over the four- to five-foot structure. He was removed from the fence and taken to a local hospital.

November 17th , 2009

Anthony Carrazco, 19, practically arrested himself after he was going door-to-door attempting to sell weed, but he knocked on the wrong door. Armed with a gun and 3 ounces of pot, Carrazco went up to a police officer's front door in the middle of the night and asked him if he wanted to buy some weed. He even had his own scale. The cop grabbed his badge and arrested him. The charges are serious, since he was selling by the university - a drug free and weapon free zone. Police say Carrazco was drunk.

November 11th , 2009

New York City office workers who got carried away during the Yankees victory parade Friday apparently began tossing files and documents out the window when they couldn’t get their hands on confetti. A financial auditor attending the parade told The New York Post that he found all kinds of personal financial documents in the mountains of shredded paper tossed from skyscrapers as the players rode up Broadway. They included pay stubs, banking data, law firm memos and even some court files. The founder of one financial firm says it reprimanded an “overzealous” employee for throwing records out the window that should have been shredded. Ticker-tape parades on Broadway are a tradition for champion New York sports teams

November 10th , 2009

A bank robber in Pennsylvania made things all too easy for local police. According to "The Morning Call," Lloyd Barclay left his wallet in the bank that he was attempting to rob.  On September 2nd, the 51-year-old man reportedly walked into a Philadelphia bank with a banana in his pocket and demanded cash from two different tellers.  Barclay eventually fled the building, but accidentally left his wallet on the counter.  Police were eventually able to find Barclay and he subsequently admitted to the crime.  He is now facing charges of robbery, theft and receiving stolen property. Barclay is being held in Lehigh County Prison on 500-thousand-dollars bail.

November 9th , 2009

Calvin Hoover, 21, of Salem, OR reportedly called 911 to say that his marijuana was missing, but when deputies arrived, he was booked on drunken-driving charges instead, officials said. It began early last Tuesday morning as a report of a vehicle break-in at a local bar. The man told dispatchers that while he was in the bar, someone broke into his truck, stole $400 cash, a jacket and about 3/4 ounce of marijuana, valued at about $180.

Deputy Ryan Clarke went to the tavern but was unable to find the driver. About an hour later, the driver called 911 again, angry that deputies had not arrived. The dispatcher had difficulty understanding the caller because the driver was driving and stopping several times to vomit. Deputies eventually found the man pulled over on the side of the road. The man, who was found about 100 feet from his truck, told deputies that he was looking for the people who stole his “weed.” Clarke said the driver was drunk. Clarke took a theft report from the man regarding his missing items but explained the implications of possessing marijuana. If the driver, who did not have a medical-marijuana card, was found in possession of marijuana, he would have been charged with possession of a controlled substance. The man was then arrested on charges of driving under the influence of intoxicants.

November 6th , 2009

Andrew J. Burwitz, 20, of Appleton, Wisconsin, allegedly had been drinking and tried to pull off a drive-by shooting at the home of his ex-girlfriend's family. Police found him because he failed to roll down his car window and shattered it when he took the first shot. He was charged Wednesday with four counts of first-degree reckless endangerment, four counts of endangering safety by reckless use of a firearm, disorderly conduct and criminal damage to property.

November 5th , 2009

Magic Mushrooms, a train, and a lack of clothes provided for an interesting weekend for one Virginia teenager.  James Lampiris was arrested on Tuesday after he got high and then ran naked through a Stafford neighborhood.  Police were called last Saturday morning after several residents spotted the 18-year-old running nude through their neighborhood. About 30 minutes later, the police received a second call claiming that a slow-moving train had struck a naked man.  Unfortunately, by the time police arrived Lampiris had already fled the train tracks.  Four deputies eventually located the inebriated teenager and took him to a local hospital for treatment.  Lampiris remained at the Stafford Hospital until Tuesday, and was subsequently arrested upon his release.  He is now facing charges of indecent exposure, obstructing railroad operations, obstructing justice, trespassing on railroad property, being drunk in public and four counts of assault and battery on a police officer.

November 4th , 2009

A man wearing a breathalyzer costume was arrested Sunday on suspicion of driving drunk.
According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford. Officers executed a traffic stop and found that Miller was wearing a breathalyzer costume. After investigation, police said, Miller was found to be operating a vehicle while intoxicated. Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console.
Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk.
After checking his wallet, police said, they found multiple Ohio IDs.
He was arrested and transported to the police station, where he consented to take a blood-alcohol-content test. His results were a .158 percent BAC.
He was cited for OVI, open container and a one-way street violation, among other charges and released to his girlfriend.

October 30th, 2009

A man tried to rob a bank in Lublin, Poland, with a spoon. The crook burst into the bank, held up the utensil and shouted: "This is a stick up." Staff and customers threw themselves to the ground until they realized the "gun" was simply a stainless steel spoon. The would-be robber fled empty-handed when the people in the bank started laughing.

October 29th, 2009

Two burglary suspects who covered their faces by drawing on ‘masks’ with a permanent marker pen have been arrested. A witness told police that two men with painted disguises were trying to break into an apartment in Carroll, Iowa. The caller added that the pair, both wearing black hooded sweatshirts, drove off in a large white car. Police soon spotted a 1994 Buick Roadmaster that matched the vehicle description and stopped it. They found two occupants with mask-like scribbling on faces. Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint because of reports they might be armed, but neither man had a weapon. Both suspects were charged with attempted second-degree burglary and have been released on bail. McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated. Second-degree burglary is Class D felony punishable by up to five years in prison and a $7,500 fine.

October 28th, 2009

A homeless man in Iowa recently took drastic measures to chase away unwanted visitors to his dwelling.  The "Des Moines Register" reports that Gerald Raymond Collett allegedly set fire to his camp in Des Moines to scare off snakes.  Police say the 46-year-old admitted to pouring gasoline on his camp and lighting it on fire Sunday night.  Collett was alone at the time.  Fortunately, the fire did not cause any injuries.  Collett did, however, lose his homemade gun and ammunition during the blaze.  He has been charged with reckless use of a fire and is being held in the Polk County Jail on 300-dollars bond.

October 26th, 2009

Three men who allegedly broke into a New Jersey home early Friday were easily caught by cops after they left behind the keys to their getaway vehicle.  The "Record" reports the trio dropped the car keys as they fled the home after beating a resident who put up a struggle when they demanded cash.  Officers who responded to the 911 call of a robbery at the victim's home were able to find the suspect's car after pushing the alarm button on the key fob.  They then traced the car back to an address, where they found the trio sitting outside the home in a taxi.  Police arrested the three men and charged them with robbery, burglary and weapons possession charges.

October 22nd, 2009

An Ohio man didn't want anything to go to waste when he was arrested earlier this week. According to the "Cincinnati Enquirer," James Robinson polished off a bottle of vodka in front of the police after he was arrested for allegedly driving while intoxicated.  Early Monday morning, Springdale police received a report that the 32-year-old was trying to break into his ex-wife's home.  Robinson fled from the house, but was later found driving with an open bottle of vodka.  Officers noticed that Robinson had "a strong odor of alcohol" and "bloodshot, glassy eyes" and proceeded to place him under arrest. Before being placed in handcuffs, Robinson grabbed his bottle of liquor and finished the contents.  He has been charged with operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated, tampering with evidence and having an open container of alcohol.

October 15th, 2009

Police in Worland, Wyoming, said an armed man reported outside of a woman’s home turned out to be a cardboard cutout of John Wayne set up by her daughter. Police received a call Sunday from a woman who reported a tall man with a gun was pounding on her front door. Responding officers said they “did observe a tall man with a saddle ring carbine Winchester in his hand all dressed in John Wayne attire.” A short time later, the daughter stepped out and admitted she was pranking her mother. The daughter was armed – with a video camera to record her mom’s reaction

October 12th, 2009

Ogden, Utah police arrested a man early Friday for allegedly groping a nurse who was helping a woman who was in labor with his baby. Adam Jay Manning, 30, brought a pregnant woman in labor to the hosp[tal around 3 a.m. Friday. When a nurse came to assist the couple, Manning looked the nurse "up and down" and told her how cute she looked. The nurse ignored Manning and continued helping the woman in labor, who was in a wheelchair and waiting to be taken to a delivery room. Manning continued his pursuit of the nurse, however, by telling her something looked wrong with her neck. He attempted to massage the nurse's neck and then reached out and grabbed her breast. The nurse pushed Manning away and moved to the other side of the wheelchair. She reported the incident to police, who arrested Manning on suspicion of felony forcible sexual abuse.

October 7th, 2009

A British dwarf who was performing at Scotland's Edinburgh Fringe Festival found his penis glued to a vacuum cleaner. As part of his act, Daniel Blackner, known as "Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf" pulls a vacuum cleaner across the stage attached to his penis using a special attachment. However, the vacuum cleaner was broken before a performance so he glued the attachment in place, neglecting to wait the entire 20 minutes required for the glue to dry, which resulted in his penis becoming glued to the vacuum cleaner. After being rushed to the ER, Blackner was freed after an hour and remarked that: "It was the most embarrassing moment of my life."

October 1st, 2009

A man in Portsmouth, New Hampshire won't be getting any more pizzas delivered after a female pizza delivery worker says he answered the door on four separate occasions wearing no pants. The pizza delivery woman called police in an effort to let them know what was going on, but didn't wish to press charges. An officer was sent out to speak to the man and let him know how "inappropriate" his behavior was. "We went and talked to the guy and they aren't getting any more pizza delivered there," police said.

September 29th, 2009

Three Australian businessmen were duped into believing there was a chemical that would literally double their money - create two bills out of one. Two con men told the business owners in Victoria they had the special chemicals that could duplicate money. The men demonstrated their claim by placing a $100 bill between sheets of black paper, which they described as "special material", and pouring a liquid substance over the top. When the sheets of paper were separated, a second $100 bill was inside, which the businessmen verified as genuine. Three businessmen gave the men a total of $160,000 to be chemically treated. The two said they had to perform the procedure "in private". They handed over the packet of supposedly duplicated money, telling the businessmen to leave the package wrapped for 24 hours while the chemical worked. When the businessmen checked the packet, it was - unbelievably! - empty. Police arrested and charged two men, aged 23 and 25. The chemical was found to be a mixture of bleach, baby powder and hair spray.

September 28th, 2009

A German trucker suspected of driving under the influence of drugs crashed his vehicle in western Sweden on Tuesday. He subsequently admitted to masturbating at the time of the accident. The trucker, apparently unable to reach a satisfactory climax, then proceeded to continue to pleasure himself while in the midst of a police interrogation, according to a local newspaper. “He was masturbating while the police interrogated him,” police prosecutor Åsa Askenbäck told the newspaper. “He has admitted that he was not paying full attention at the time of the accident. He was playing with himself instead of focusing on the road.” The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick and was subsequently arrested for reckless driving and driving while under the influence of drugs.

September 23rd, 2009

A 71-year-old Texas man is in trouble with the law for allegedly doing yard-work in the buff.  Those in the Fort Worth neighborhood are complaining about it and a deputy city marshal was on bike patrol near the home on Sunday when he was caught.  The marshal saw the home-owner in the yard doing his work wearing nothing but shoes.  The deputy made sure the elderly man is not a registered sex offender and wrote him a disorderly conduct misdemeanor citation

September 21st, 2009

One California man's idea of a tribute has been causing headaches for park workers in California.  The "Los Angeles Times" reports that Douglas Jones was arrested for throwing as many as three-thousand golf balls into Joshua Tree National Park.  Jones started the habit in 2007 as a way to honor all the golfers who had died.  Police finally apprehended Jones in August, and he quickly confessed to his crime.  Authorities also found cans of fruits and vegetables, which the 57-year-old was reportedly leaving for stranded hikers.  Jones has been charged with littering, feeding wildlife and abandoning property.  He is due back in court later this month and could be fined, jailed and banned from the park. 

September 18th, 2009

Florida man overreacted Tuesday night when he was cut off by his local pub. The "St. Petersburg Times" reports that Vincent Smith was arrested when he called 911 after a bartender refused to serve him any more alcohol. According to the police report, the 54-year-old man called 911 "numerous times" and was still on the phone when the authorities arrived. Clark Hubbard, who owns the Idle Spur Saloon, says, "We called him a cab, then he got out front and got in an argument with the cab driver and it kind of escalated from there." Smith was cited with a misdemeanor charge of misusing 911.

September 17th, 2009

A 33-year-old man was arrested after a local Elizabethton, Tennessee, police officer mistakenly rang his doorbell. The deputy was responding to a domestic disturbance call and accidentally pulled up to the wrong house. When the man answered the door, he invited the officer in, put his hands behind his back and told the deputy he was ready to go to jail. The man apparently had an outstanding warrant for being guilty of contempt and violating probation for failing to pay fines and complete an anger management course. He was sentenced to 40 days in prison.

September 14th, 2009

A Boynton Beach, Florida man was trying to teach his cat a lesson, and he ended up in jail. Police said the 43-year-old man was upset that his cat used his bed instead of a litter box last Thursday. So he took the cat to the garage and fired a handgun into a flotation device to "scare it." The cat was not injured, but the man was charged with shooting in an occupied dwelling and using a firearm while under the influence.

September 11th, 2009

In Prosser, Washington on Tuesday night, a burglar kicked in the side door of a home, ransacked the house and stashed items near the door. Before he could leave, the homeowner returned. The suspected burglar begged the man not to call the cops, promising to return all the items and come back the next day to fix the door. Then, as a show of good faith, the burglar emptied his pockets of stolen goods, handed his driver's license and a parolee identification card to the homeowner and ran away on foot. The homeowner called 9-1-1. Officers found the 27-year-old suspect about a half-mile away.

September 8th, 2009

A man in Georges Township, Pennsylvania, fired a cannon that sent a two-pound lead ball into his neighbor's house. William Edward Maser, 54, fired the cannon in his yard last Wednesday evening. The cannon shot a lead ball through the side of his neighbor's house, breaking a window and traveling through a wall before landing in a clothes closet. No one was injured. The cannon is an 80-pound homemade replica of cannons used during the French and Indian War. Mr. Maser regularly participates in battle re-enactments.

August 25th, 2009

On June 29, a Mount Carmel, Tennessee speed camera clocked Scott Gibson going 66 mph in a 55 mph zone. He was sent a citation. Gibson sent back a copy of the citation with a handwritten note, claiming he wasn't subject to local speed zones because he was the deputy chief of the CIA. Police contacted the federal agency, which responded that Gibson wasn't and never had been an employee. Gibson was arrested for criminal impersonation, and now federal charges are also pending. Police said Gibson would have been fined $75 even if he had been who he claimed.

August 20th, 2009

In Philadelphia on Monday night, the family of the late Kenneth "Tex" Roberts, 80, went to check his body at the funeral home. It wasn't him. But when told the funeral home they had the wrong body, the woman at the funeral home insisted: "That's how they look when they die." So, for two hours on Tuesday, 200 mourners passed the silver casket saying, "That's not Tex." Finally, just before the service, the funeral director admitted the mix-up. Distraught, hysterical mourners poured out of the church onto the sidewalk, while others tried to calm them down. One relative had a seizure; another had an asthma attack. Meantime, the funeral home found Roberts' remains, and rushed them back to the church. But when an assistant opened the door of the hearse, mortified relatives screamed at the sight - the casket had tilted and his leg was hanging out. The hearse driver drove so fast that the casket opened.

August 19th , 2009

In Colchester, Vermont, Saturday morning, police arrested a man for allegedly driving an unusual vehicle under the influence. Police said around 1:13 a.m. on Saturday - one of the hottest days of the year so far - an officer saw a snowmobile traveling on Porters Point. The officer followed it for a short distance before the driver left the snowmobile in a yard and ran off into the woods. Eventually, 31-year-old Joseph Quigley was tracked down and charged for his fifth DUI offense. Quigley's blood alcohol content was .183%, more than twice the legal limit.

August 17th , 2009

Florida woman was arrested last week, despite her alleged almighty husband. According to Jacksonville.com, Emma Kim-Tashis Harrison was arrested for fraud after attempting to buy a car with a bad check. Last Monday, Harrison entered a Jacksonville Pontiac dealership and wrote a check for a 70-thousand-dollar vehicle.  The purchase was quickly canceled, however, when the bank discovered the account and the names on the check were bad. Harrison had signed the check, "Mr. and Mrs. Jesus and Emma Christ."  Once apprehended, authorities found several other credit cards in Harrison's purse made out to Emma Christ.  The 25-year-old told police that she doesn't work, but owns, "a traveling web site that people just deposit money into."

She has since been charged with organized fraud, forging bank bills and uttering forged bills. Harrison still believes she will receive the vehicle, as she told police that Jesus Christ will return next week to sign the paperwork and claim the car.

August 14th , 2009

A 34-year-old Alaska man is in custody after authorities say he gave an Anchorage bank teller his account number and showed her his picture ID before robbing the place. The FBI says Jarell Paul Arnold of Anchorage is being held on federal bank robbery charges. The FBI alleges Arnold walked into an Alaska USA Federal Credit Union branch last Friday and inquired about the balance on his account. The teller asked for his name, account number and ID. Authorities say he complied, and then handed over a receipt with a note on the back that said he had a gun, and demanded money. He got away with about $600 but was arrested Monday. Court records say Arnold was sentenced to 57 months in prison for bank robbery in 2004.

August 12th , 2009

A bride in Germany spent her wedding night passed out next to a crate of vodka in the back seat of a car and had to be rescued the next day by police when the BMW began to overheat in the sun. Police in the western city of Cologne said the 30-year-old woman remained unconscious even after they smashed the car window to get her out. Only after being shaken several times did she eventually regain consciousness. Still wearing her wedding dress, the dazed woman had to climb through the broken window because she had no idea where the car keys or her husband were.

July 30th , 2009

In Wales, two burglars decided to celebrate after stealing about $1,154 in liquor. Unfortunately, they started their celebration in the liquor store and got so drunk they fell asleep instead of escaping. Burglars Keith Cullen and Paul Wiggins stacked up the stolen booze outside the store in Swansea, Wales and then went back in to have a drink. Police found them asleep in the store the next morning. A prosecutor said closed circuit television recorded the entire theft. They were convicted of burglary and theft and will be sentenced later this week.

July 29th , 2009

LOCAL WINNER! Moline police are looking for a woman who robbed a convenience store over the weekend. It might not be too hard. Police say the woman entered the Check 'N' Go store at 10:14 p.m. Saturday wearing a mask and displaying a gun. After turning away from the clerk, the woman took off the mask and was photographed by a store surveillance camera. Lt. John Hitchcock said the suspect is about 40 years old, 5 feet 6 inches tall and has a medium build.

July 28th , 2009

State troopers in Baton Rouge, Louisiana were a little surprised when when a drunk driver showed up at their trooper station Sunday morning. Mitchell Deslatte, 25, knocked on the front door of Troop A's building. After troopers buzzed him in, Deslatte asked the trooper working at the desk if he was in a hotel. Deslatte was booked with DWI.

July 7th , 2009

A bizarre scene unfolded in a Tahoe, Nevada casino over the weekend when a man went streaking through the place.  Police say the guy told them he was high on LSD and marijuana when he took the action and ended up being arrested.  He told them he took off his clothes because he thought he was the "Terminator" movie character. 

July 2nd , 2009

A Western Michigan University student committed what a judge called "the dumbest crime I've heard" by stealing a computer from the Kalamazoo County jail where he was serving time for another crime. William Bradley, a 25-year-old sophomore, admitted, "I'm not the best criminal."

June 30th, 2009

An Oregon man did not get the justice he was looking for when he called 911 over an incorrect McDonald's fast food order last week.  The "Oregonian" reports 23-year-old Jeremy Lloyd Martin called the emergency services last Friday, claiming an employee at a McDonald's restaurant in Clackamas County, Oregon did not fulfill his eight-dollar order correctly.  Martin claimed he only received one burger and fries when he gave the employee ten-dollars.  The dispatcher on the other end of the line warned Martin to hang up telling him he was misusing 911.  Martin reportedly became more enraged, saying he would sue if a police officer did not arrive on the scene.  Minutes later, a cop did arrive, only to arrest Martin for improper use of a 911 system.

June 25th, 2009

An Oklahoma City woman pleaded no contest last week to prostitution charges, accused of agreeing to be paid for services with a box of chips by a man who said he was a Frito-Lay employee. Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, was arrested last February arrest after undercover officers noticed Smith "trying to catch a date” by flashing her headlights. Officers said they followed Smith’s car and found her with her blouse open and found a man in the passenger seat pulling his pants up. The man had told her he was looking for company but he didn’t have any money, so she agreed to be paid with a $30 case of Frito-Lay chips he had in the back of his car. The man was an employee of the Frito-Lay company.

June 24th, 2009

Police in Syracuse said a woman who was annoyed that a police car was blocking her own car first called 911 and then vandalized the squad car. Police said the woman called 911 Saturday to report the "emergency" — that a patrol car was blocking her car. They said she then keyed the patrol car because they didn't move it quickly enough. Officers were in the area to investigate a harassment complaint. They said the woman approached them and insisted they move their cruiser. They told her to wait. Police said the woman approached them again and demanded they move the car, using profanity. Witnesses said she then used her keys to vandalize the car. Police found gouges on the car and the woman was charged with criminal mischief.

June 23rd, 2009

A man who allegedly wanted to buy some marijuana was arrested after he mistakenly sent a text message to a southern New Jersey police officer. Salem Police Cpl. Christopher Pew was off-duty when he received the message on his personal cell phone this week. Since he did not know the person who sent the text or whether it was a serious request, Pew agreed to meet the texter at a local shopping center, and the person described what vehicle he would be driving. That eventually led to the arrests of two Pennsville residents, who were charged with loitering to commit a controlled dangerous substance offense.

June 22nd, 2009

Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, was arrested in Federal Way, Washington, after residents of an apartment complex spotted him standing above an air conditioner intake. Martin, who was only wearing a shirt, had a string tied to his genitals and "was apparently manipulating it with the string like a puppet," police say. Martin has been charged with indecent exposure -- a felony, since this is his third arrest on similar charges

June 12th, 2009

An Avon, Colorado man left his 4-month-old son in a shopping cart in the Home Depot parking lot and didn't realize the baby was missing until he had driven home to the town of Edwards, about 8 miles away. The Home Depot store manager called police Sunday after a customer came in and told him there was a baby in the parking lot. The police arrived just as the man returned for the baby. He told cops that he was loading his items into his car when his brother called him on his cellphone. He was talking on the phone as he put the cart back in the cart corral, and then drove off. The baby's grandmother took the child home and planned to keep him until the baby's mother got back from vacation. Police gave the man a summons for child abuse and criminal negligence.

June 10th, 2009

Police in south-central Pennsylvania say a drunken driver who was speeding in a police station parking lot and stopped his car between two marked cruisers so he could take a nap has been arrested. East Pennsboro police Chief Dennis McMaster says the 37-year-old Mechanicsburg man caught the attention of an officer Sunday night. He says the officer saw the man park in a space reserved for police cars, turn off his headlights, recline his seat and close his eyes. He says when the officer approached the car to check on the man he saw an empty vodka bottle on the floor and found a pipe with traces of marijuana. The man has been charged with driving under the influence and possessing drug paraphernalia.

June 4th, 2009

The mayor of Croatia's capital city Zagreb received some disappointing news recently. According to ananova.com, Milan Bandic said on national television that he would like to see deceased Queen frontman Freddie Mercury perform in his city. Bandic, who is hoping to bring a little rock to Zagreb, said, "I would like to see David Bowie play in Zagreb. And Freddie Mercury could come too." Bandic was reportedly shocked to discover that Mercury had died 18 years ago. Many Croatian citizens were stunned by the mistake, but the error is not expected to hurt Bandic in this weekend's elections. Zagreb resident Mirjana Popovic remarked, "It might seem he is a little bit out of touch when he says things like this but he is the right man for mayor."

June 3rd, 2009

When trying to run away from police, leaping off a five-story building is never a good move. Authorities in Southern California say a bank robber did just that-- leapt off a five-story parking garage while being chased by police and guess what -- he was badly injured! Today's dumbass, reported to be in his early 30s, was hospitalized in critical condition. Police aren't sure if he was actually trying to kill himself or just escape.

June 2nd, 2009

Zephyrhills, Florida police have arrested a 26-year-old man, accusing him of robbing the same store, two days in a row, while trying to disguise himself by wrapping a green towel around his head. Investigators say Jeffrey Pringle went into the Right Way Food Store Monday and threatened the clerk, demanding money and saying he was carrying a gun. The clerk handed over some cash and the robber made his escape. The first robbery went so well, Pringle returned the next day, again wearing the same green towel around his head. This time, the store clerk made a grab for the suspect. The two scuffled before Pringle jerked away and escaped. The store clerk eventually picked Pringle's picture from a photo line-up. Police arrested Pringle at his home, and he admitted that he was the robber beneath the green towel. Last week, a guy robbed a convenience store wearing an empty beer carton over his head.

June 1st, 2009

An Indiana man is facing legal troubles after getting drunk and crashing two vehicles last week.  According to TheIndyChannel.com, Kevin Whitesell wrecked his car early Friday morning.  Needing to tow his ride home, Whitesell walked to a nearby farmhouse, returned with a tractor and began towing the car down the road.  Unfortunately, he wound up losing control of the tractor and drove off a bridge and into a creek.  Police arrived on the scene, but Whitesell was nowhere to be found.  After receiving a tip, authorities were able to locate the drunken driver at the same nearby farmhouse.  Whitesell was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated and leaving the scene of a crash.  It is estimated that he caused 150-thousand-dollars in damage to the tractor and 20-thousand-dollars in damage to the bridge.

May 5th, 2009

A Kansas woman says a man came to her door, claimed to be a Census worker, and then started asking some inappropriate questions.  According to KCTV, Kim Mertin of Overland Park was questioned by a man last week who started asking her how many people live with her but then asked her if she wanted a back rub.  He then asked what color her panties were.  He then started touching himself and she closed the door.  She assumed the guy was an imposter but he actually was a legitimate Census employee.  An official with the Census Bureau has not released the man's name but calls it an unfortunate situation and says it's been handled. 

April 29th, 2009

In Waterville, Maine, two adults and three teenagers were recently arrested and charged with arson. Police had pretty much all the evidence they needed after getting their hands on a video the five had made together that not only described their crime, in great detail, but also included theme music and cast-and-crew credits at the end.

April 22nd, 2009

In Centerville, Utah, a teenager suspected of car burglary was so surprised when he opened a car door to find a police officer sitting inside that he messed his pants. Salt Lake County sheriff's deputy Chad Taylor was returning to his home after his shift around 1 AM. He had pulled into his driveway when he looked in the rear-view mirror and saw a guy trying to get into his wife's car. Taylor watched the teen then move up toward his car. Said Taylor: "Right as his hand goes to check my handle, I kick the door open and said, 'You'd better stop right there! Police!'" Then things got quiet, until he heard a tell-tale noise from the teen. The 16-year-old boy turned and ran, chased by Taylor, who called 911 as he ran. Police responded to help catch the teen.

April 20th, 2009

Drug charges are being filed against two residents in West Virginia after they allegedly sent text messages about contraband to a prosecutor.  Anna Green and Michael Cowger are accused of sending texts out of the blue to Webster County Prosecutor Dwayne Vandevender last Wednesday asking if he wanted to buy some drugs.  State police got involved and Vandevender set up a location to meet.  Troopers arrested Green and Cowger when they showed up with officials saying they found hydrocodone in their car.  They could both spend a decade and a half behind bars if convicted of conspiracy and possession with intent to deliver. 

March 27th, 2009

A Maryland thief's crime didn't go as planned when he got stuck on his way into a bank.  The "would-be" robber was carrying a gun while wearing a ski mask on Monday as he tried to enter a bank but got trapped by the front door.  He tripped a metal detector at the Arundel Federal Savings Bank in Crofton and was stuck in the vestibule.  He started pounding on the glass as he pled with bank employees to help him but nobody was willing to lend a hand.  The crook then shot out a window, ran to a car, drove away, and parked in a near-by apartment complex.  It didn't take long for police to track the vehicle down and they say they found Darell Alfred and Maurice King inside of it.  They also say Alfred was the one who got stuck in the bank. 

March 26th, 2009

A 51-year-old Florida man could be spending some time behind bars after accidentally lighting his trailer on fire.  Craig Aylesworth and his neighbor got into an argument on Tuesday.  During the dispute, Aylesworth decided to toss a Molotov cocktail at his neighbor's trailer.  Unfortunately, Aylesworth didn't account for the wind, and the flames were blown onto his own residence.  Fire crews were able to keep the blaze from spreading, but not before Aylesworth's home and several vehicles were destroyed.  Aylesworth is now facing charges of arson and possession of a destructive device.

March 20th, 2009

Today's winner is Matthew Peverada, who was arrested in Portland, Maine, and charged with attempting to rob Dipietro's Market. He first attempted to rob the store around 4pm in the afternoon. But he was rebuffed by employees so he loudly announced that he'd be back at 11pm and they they'd better have some money for him! He came back at 11 -- and found not money, but the police waiting for him.

March 19th, 2009

In St. Petersburg, Florida, a man was visiting friends at the Grand Plaza Beachfront Hotel when he wanted to demonstrate to a woman afraid of heights that it was safe to lean over a sixth-floor hotel balcony. It wasn't. The man fell four stories, landing on a second-floor concrete ledge Tuesday night. The unidentified man survived and was flown to a hospital where he is recovering, authorities said. According to a hotel spokesperson, the man was not a "spring breaker" nor a registered guest; he "just wanted to impress the young ladies, so to sort of tease her he leaned back onto the rail and went over."

March 18th, 2009

A club owner in the United Kingdom should have been a little more careful when she attempted to deny drug allegations levied at her business.  According to the UK's "Metro," Pauline Terry's letter to police denying drug use at her club tested positive for cocaine.  As one police source stated, "It does us a lot of favors when the licensee, in defending her nightclub on drug allegations, sends in a letter covered in cocaine."  After being fined more 14-hundred-dollars for infractions, Terry has since lost her license to run the club.  Police are now recommending that the establishment be closed permanently.

March 16th, 2009

In Burlington, Vermont, a hunter actually bolted antlers to the head of a dead doe with lag bolts, and then posed for a photograph with the deer. He then checked in the kill as lawful game at Barnie's Market. It's illegal to kill an antlerless deer, and it's also illegal to hunt at night. When confronted, he finally admitted to the killing and led a game warden to the deer's remains after an anonymous caller alerted authorities. The man was fined $400 and won't qualify for a state hunting, fishing or trapping license for at least three years.

March 11th, 2009

Oh they might seem like a good idea, but wearing handcuffs is usually never a good idea. Take the case of 21-year-old Allahmanamjad Barbel who went to his local police station in Barnstable, Massachusetts after his sister playfully put handcuffs on him at a birthday party. Unfortunately she lost the key and couldn't get them off. So the nice police officers removed them and then, on a whim, ran his name through the computer. That's when they discovered several outstanding warrants and Mr. Barbel immediately found himself wearing cuffs again.

March 10th, 2009

An intoxicated man fell through the window of a downtown Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania bank Saturday. A witness said the man lost his balance and fell into the window with enough force to break it. He crashed through the bottom half of a tall rectangular window. The top half of the glass slid downward and narrowly missed hitting the man's neck. Police recovered a bottle of vodka at the scene. Despite falling through the window, the man did not sustain any major injuries

March 9th, 2009

An Idaho man found himself in an unenviable position after losing track of his car keys on Thursday.  According to Idaho's magicvalley.com, the man, who declined to give his name, got trapped in a rest stop toilet while searching for his keys.  Believing that the keys had fallen in the tank, the man jumped in the tank in hopes of locating them.  Unfortunately, not only did he not find his keys but the man became stuck in the toilet's tank.  After about ten or 15 minutes, another individual discovered the man and called 911.  Fortunately, the man didn't suffer any major injuries, but he did soon realize that his keys were in his back pocket the entire time.

March 5th, 2009

A Pennsylvania man found out the hard way that going on a drinking binge the night before a court appearance for a DUI is not a great idea.  Authorities say Eric Monroe of Royersford was facing a two week jail stint for the drunk driving charge and began drinking the Sunday night before his Monday court session.  They say he showed up at Chester County Court with a disheveled appearance and bloodshot eyes.  The judge considered it evidence enough to have an alcohol test conducted and Monroe was above the state's legal limit for intoxication.  He was slapped with eight extra days in jail along with a half decade of probation but also received a tongue lashing from the justice.

February 25th, 2009

There wasn't much question that 50-year-old Johnnie Ed Roberts had been drinking when police in Fort Pierce, Florida pulled him over. Roberts had a beer can on the top of his pick-up truck and a cold Natural Ice in his hand when a Sheriff's Deputy approached. He also had bloodshot eyes, incoherent speech, and peed on himself in the deputy's patrol vehicle on the ride to jail. At the jail, Roberts urinated again all over himself. Rather than blow into the breath test machine, he tried to suck the air out

February 18th, 2009

It's always hard to tell but 42-year-old Joel Rubin just may be the dumbest criminal ever. He was arrested in New Britain, Connecticut, and charged with using a stolen credit card to purchase merchandise. But what makes him so stupid -- and so easy to catch -- was that while making the purchase, he also used his own store discount card to get a lower price on the goods! As his real name was on the discount card, he was easy to find. Not to mention that it makes no sense to get a discount on items that are going to be billed to the people whose credit card you stole anyway

February 3rd, 2009

In Sacramento, two 20-year-olds stole tires and rims from a Toyota, drove off, put them on their Geo, then drove back to the scene to "see if the lady had called the cops." She had. Deputies were standing in the victim's driveway taking her report when the thieves drove by with the stolen tires and rims on their car. They are now under arrest.

January 29th, 2009

A 24-year-old man broke into a Port Huron, Michigan, gas station early Tuesday morning, smoked a few cigarettes, drank some alcohol and then called 911 about 4:30 a.m. from inside the store. The man told officials he wanted to be taken to jail to spend time with his incarcerated brother. The deputies obliged.

January 28th, 2009

In Falls Mills, West Virginia, a 42-year-old man died from a gunshot wound in the stomach early Saturday after playing a game of quick draw. Wesley Miliam died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital shortly after the 4 a.m. incident. Deputies arrested Randy Howerton, 31, the other participant in the game. Said a police spokesman, "What was really surprising was that there didn't seem to be any alcohol at all. No drugs,  it was very different, very surprising."

January 27th, 2009

A woman in Denmark successfully convinced a bank to exchange Monopoly money for a quantity of real Danish money. Last Thursday, the woman entered a branch of the Nordea bank in Svendborg and handed over two fake bills from a Swedish Monopoly game, claiming they were real Swedish bank notes. The teller gave her 1,400 Danish kroner ($240). The bank manager, Ulrik Feveile Nielsen, later said that an inexperienced staff member had been manning the cash desk at the time. But then, on Friday, the woman returned to the bank with a further eight thousand in Monopoly money. This time staff called the police.

January 26th, 2009

In Newcastle, Australia (where it's currently summer), a house burglar heard the residents come home, so he hid up in the ceiling, under a tin roof. After two hours, with the hot sun beating down, the thief passed out. In a shower of plaster and insulation, he slammed face-down into the hardwood floor and started groaning for help. Darren Young, wife Deslie and five of their six children were surprised when the burglar made his spectacular appearance. The intruder staggered outside before collapsing in the backyard, where the Youngs and neighbors held him until police arrived. He was taken to a hospital with a broken wrist, and now faces burglary charges

January 23rd, 2009

A German teen-ager caught shoplifting was asked where he lived. The kid lied. How did they know? The address the kid gave turned out to be the current home of an investigating officer. The 18-year-old from the town of Achim had given officers his old address. By coincidence, the policeman moved into the home when the boy's family moved out.

January 22nd, 2009

A Kansas man is behind bars after accusations he committed six robberies in seven hours to steal a total of 20-dollars.  The crimes have a bit of humor to them as in one incident a woman noticed that the man's gun did not have a cylinder in it and couldn't fire so she refused to give him any money.  In another case the victim fought back and didn't give in either but the suspect did manage to steal 20-bucks from a convenience store and then stole a car from another man.  That was his downfall as the store clerk identified him as a regular customer and he was taken into custody.  The suspect could get nine decades behind bars for the 20-dollar, seven hour crime spree.

November 24th, 2008

Police in Valentine, Nebraska have arrested a man suspected of leaving greasy, graphic imprints of his rear end on the windows of stores, churches and schools in a small Nebraska town. The 35-year-old man was caught in the act by police early Wednesday morning. Authorities believe he is the vandal some townsfolk have dubbed the "Butt Bandit.’’ Beginning in spring of 2007, a mystery vandal visited businesses at night, pressing his naked behind — sometimes his groin, sometimes both — on windows. The marks were made with lotion or petroleum jelly. The man was spotted by police about 3:30 a.m. Wednesday and arrested without incident, Scott said. The suspect appears to be the same man caught on a surveillance camera at the middle school last year. The past two summers, the bandit struck business after business, window after window. During one particularly brazen session, virtually all the windows at a local hotel were imprinted.

November 14th, 2008

In Huntington Beach, California, a man tried to bring his 3-foot pet alligator into Johnny's Saloon. Police and animal control officers were called to the bar early last Saturday morning to retrieve the leashed alligator. When officers arrived, the animal was in the man's vehicle in the bar's parking lot. Officers then followed the man to his home where another alligator was found. Both alligators were impounded and were being held pending an investigation by the Department of Fish and Game.

November 13th, 2008

A German teen was blown off of the toilet when he sparked a flame after spraying air freshener.  According to the "Daily Mail," the 13-year-old says he used the freshener to take care of the stinky room but then started messing around with a lighter and was blown out of the bathroom.  He says he woke up smelling like a barbecue, didn't have his clothes on and was outside.  He is at a burn unit and will go through months of treatments.

November 11th, 2008

A New Jersey councilman allegedly urinated on a crowd of concertgoers from the balcony of a Washington, D.C. nightclub. Jersey City councilman Steven Lipski was in D.C. to see a Grateful Dead tribute band and was spotted relieving himself off the balcony by one of the club's staffers. After being arrested and charged with simple assault, the 44-year-old, two-term Democratic councilman from Jersey City said, "I've resolved not to touch alcohol again."

October 17th, 2008

Going into a police station to ask for help when you're a wanted man seems like a sure fire way to end up behind bars and that's the lesson a New York man learned the hard way.  Police in Fayetville say 21-year-old Richard Capozzi went into the police station looking for assistance when his car ran out of gas right in front of the place.  However, they ran a license check on him and found out he had two active suspension.  Capoizzi was arrested on the spot and has a court day now on his calendar. 

October 10th, 2008

In Hellertown, Pennsylvania, a couple pulled into a parking lot for a quickie about 3 a.m. last Sunday morning. Unfortunately, they had parked in the police station parking lot, in a handicapped spot. When an officer asked why they were parked at the station, Cullen and the woman said they were unaware and did not see that they had parked near several marked police cars. The driver, Dennis Cullen, 23, was charged with drunken driving. There were no charges related to them having sex.

October 8th, 2008

A man in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, learned the hard way that giving a cop a “wet willie” after his arrest on October 4 was a bad idea.
Court records state that the man, identified as 38-year-old Louis Carlos Perales, had another assault-and-battery-on-a-police-officer charge added to his rap sheet after he put his finger in his mouth and then into an officer’s ear. Perales was already under arrest for threats to kill and public intoxication at the time of the incident. According to police, officers were called out to a residence on the 200 block of N.W. Mistletoe in reference to a domestic assault. Officers were told that the suspect was not currently at the residence but was on his way there. Officers saw Perales exit a white SUV and “immediately started crowding” an officer. The report indicates that Perales was “loud, belligerent, and uttering a steady stream of profanity towards his wife.” Police allege that Perales told his wife “You better be gone when I get out because I’m going to kill you,” in Spanish.

October 7th, 2008

Tommy Fox was driving home from his job in Dover, Tennessee last Wednesday at about 11 p.m. when a red fox dashed in front of his SUV. He couldn't stop in time, and ran over the fox. He stopped his GMC Jimmy to get the fox, so he could take it home and cut off its tail for a souvenir. He put the animal in the back seat, and continued home. Then Fox heard a noise coming from his back seat and realized the fox was alive — and not happy. Desperately searched for something to hold the fox back he looked in the back seat to get a blanket to block the fox. While distracted, the SUV crossed the center line and wrecked in a ditch, flipping once and landing upside down. Fox, the man, suffered minor injuries and bruises. Fox, the animal, was found dead in the SUV.

October 2nd, 2008

A Wisconsin man may want to find a different way to check how much gas he's allegedly stolen next time.  Milwaukee TV station WISN reports the unnamed suspect burned himself while siphoning gas from a van.  The incident occurred when the man couldn't tell if he had enough, so he pulled out a lighter to allow him to see inside the container.  Cops say he was immediately burned on his hands from a blast of fire.  The suspect was found later and arrested on charges of theft and negligent use of burning materials.

October 1st, 2008

In Malaysia, two armed robbers hijacked a security van with $1.3 million inside but were forced to abandon more than half the cash because their small getaway car could not carry it all. The robbers and their compact getaway car were still at large with $524,000 following Monday's heist near Kuala Lumpur. The robbers stole a small car then held up guards in the security van at a shopping mall. One robber drove the van away and the other followed in the car. The van was recovered nearby with nine bags containing $786,000 inside - evidently because the money did not fit in the compact car. Said a police spokesman: "The bags are quite big. I consider them quite stupid. Their planning was very shortsighted."

September 25th, 2008

It must have been a big disappointment for a North Dakota man after he stole a beer truck only to find out it was empty.  Police in Fargo say Dennis Turnwall found the truck with the keys in it and drove it off but dumped it when he realized there was no beer inside.  Beverage Wholesalers owns the truck and it was being detailed by a company when it was left outside of the building.  Turnwall was arrested without incident when police were tipped off. 

September 16th, 2008

In Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, four kids, ages 9 to 14, found out first hand what instant karma is after they grabbed a donation box from the River Place Park. The donation box is for a local organization that maintains the park's portable toilets. Anyway, the boys ran into the nearby woods, with several police officers in pursuit. Three boys were caught, but the other made it a little ways further into the woods before falling into a human manure pit -- one that had apparently been built by homeless people who lived nearby.

September 12th, 2008

A man with FOUR previous drunken driving convictions who was stopped for weaving in and out of traffic on Interstate 40 was ready with an excuse for his poor driving: his passenger spilled his beer. Not surprisingly, the man was arrested just before midnight Saturday, said state police officer Kurtis Ward, who said he initially thought the driver was joking. The 31-year-old man was allegedly too drunk to perform field sobriety tests and was arrested on aggravated drunken driving charges, court records said. Ward found four opened bottles of beer in the car, court records showed. It was the man's sixth DWI arrest. He had been found guilty of four of five previous drunken driving charges and has paid $1,750 in fines.

September 11th, 2008

Roxbury Township, New Jersey cops became suspicious when two New Mexico residents said they drove to New York for peanut butter and pastrami sandwiches. Police say they stopped 55-year-old James Garfield and 56-year-old Robin Harrington for making erratic lane changes on Interstate 80. A search of their pickup truck led officers to a backpack containing three pounds of marijuana. The pair are each held on $100,000 bail, charged with marijuana possession, possession with intent to distribute and drug paraphernalia possession.

September 10th, 2008

A man is accused of breaking into a New Jersey home, stealing a bottle of wine, drinking it in the front yard and then walking around town in his underwear.  Police in Orange County say Andrew Hurth of Wantage Township got into the place on Saturday morning and grabbed the wine from the kitchen.  They say he then sucked it down in the yard before stripping to his underwear and strolling around the area.  The homeowner noticed an open window and missing screen so police were called.  Officers found Hurth at his home but his pants, shirt, wallet socks and shoes were at the crime scene.  He was arrested and is due in Wawayanda Town Court on Thursday on felony burglary and petty larceny charges.

September 9th, 2008

Last Saturday night in Fresno, California, a burglar broke into a farmworker's home, rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms, and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house. Both the spices and the sausage reportedly were obtained from the victims' kitchen. The sausage was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog. The suspect, Antonio Vasquez, 22, was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks. He had left behind his wallet with his ID. Vasquez had stolen some money, which police recovered.

August 7th, 2008

In Dillon, South Carolina, Gibson Cook, 56, broke into the county landfill, looking to score some scrap metal. He saw some copper under a large trash bin, and crawled under trying to reach it, when he became stuck. Cook was stuck under the bin for 12 hours before workers noticed his legs sticking out. Emergency workers had to inflate air bags so they could lift the bin to free him. Officials say the copper under the trash bin could not have been worth more than $10.

July 29th, 2008

It sounds like a scene right out of the movies but a man dressed up as the "Joker" from Batman was caught trying to steal Batman posters and memorabilia from a Michigan movie theater. Authorities in the southwestern Michigan city of Three Rivers say Spencer Taylor was wearing a full Joker costume when they nabbed him at a theater trying to steal Batman stuff. He was caught just after midnight Sunday in what's almost a true case of life imitating art. The 20-year-old is looking at felony larceny and malicious destruction of property charges.

July 23rd, 2008

A German woman shoplifted some expensive cosmetics, stuffing cosmetics worth $160 into her handbag and leaving a shop in the city of Sonthofen without paying. But a security tag set off an alarm. As soon as she heard it, she ran off. Unfortunately she forgot about her six-year-old daughter, who was left standing alone in the store wondering where her mother had gone. Store staff called police and they collected the child together with a social worker. Birgit Mahler, 33, was later arrested for shoplifting

June 24th, 2008

An Ohio man was charged with disorderly conduct over the weekend for allegedly using a cell phone camera to take photos of a woman at a Cincinnati tanning salon. Authorities tell the Cincinnati Enquirer an additional charge of hampering a police investigation was added when the suspect decided to hide the phone in his butt. According to court documents, Jeffrey Barrier stood on a chair at Aloha Tanning and took shots of a 35-year-old naked woman in a tanning room. When cops were called to the scene, Barrier denied taking the photos and said he didn't even have a camera. Police say they didn't find a camera at first, but a second, more thorough search of the suspect recovered,"evidence in his anus." Barrier is free on 15 hundred dollars bond.

June 23rd, 2008

It didn't take long for an Oregon man to end up back in jail after being released. Dereck Benitz was let out of the Marion County Jail Wednesday morning but didn't get very far after he was caught allegedly pulling wires out of the wall in the jail's main water vault and screaming he had, quote, "defused the bomb." Officials say they caught him in the bizarre act while investigating a significant water pressure drop. He is also accused of climbing to the top of the structure and yelling some more as well as turning off the facility's main water valve. It took three detectives to talk him into climbing down and surrendering. Nothing suspicious was found and he was escorted back to jail, with mental health specialists then evaluating him.

June 20th, 2008

Marcus George is having a tough time staying on the straight and narrow. The 20-year-old man from Pine Bluff, Arkansas was arrested after he showed up at a meeting with his parole officer in a car he stole. George was released from jail and placed on parole last week after doing a stint in the slammer for burglary and theft. He allegedly stole a car from a dealership, which he used to drive to his meeting. That's not the end of the story, though. Prosecutors say George and a buddy also went to another dealership and kept a car they took out for a test drive.

June 19th, 2008

Honesty doesn't always get people out of trouble. A Vermont teenager was busted after she allegedly told State Police she didn't see them trying to pull her over for speeding because she was too busy talking on her cell phone. Troopers say 18-year-old Jessica Touchette was traveling at up to 104-miles per hour along an interstate Tuesday morning. It took more than three miles before officers could finally get her to pull over. She's now cited for careless and negligent operation, as well as attempting to elude.

June 18th, 2008

A Connecticut man is currently without his pet snake because he reportedly tried to use it as a weapon. According to the "Connecticut Post," 21-year-old Victor Rodriguez of Bridgeport attempted to have the nine-foot albino python attack his girlfriend. When cops finally were able to enter his apartment, Rodriguez then allegedly pointed at the cops and told the snake, quote, "Get them!" Fortunately for police, the snake didn't follow directions. Rodriguez was arrested for disorderly conduct and threatening police. The snake is being held at the Bridgeport animal control shelter until Rodriguez is allowed to claim it.

June 13th, 2008

Here's an easy way to get caught after committing a crime. Police in Alabama have arrested a man for an alleged convenience store robbery because he left some incriminating evidence behind -- his drivers license. Fifty-year-old Kenneth Lane Holliday gave a clerk at the Quick Stop his license in order to buy gasoline. A few minutes later, he reportedly came back into the store, brandished a handgun, and demanded money. He took the money, but left his drivers license behind. Police say the store clerk was able to identify Holliday because he frequents the business and is on a first-name basis with the clerk.

June 12th, 2008

36-year-old Edward Defreitas of Toms River, New Jersey, told police he was driving drunk until he was sober enough to go home, claiming he didn't want his mother to know he was hammered. Defreitas' plan hit a snag, though, when his car hit an ambulance. He was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, drunk driving and various drug offenses. Two paramedics in the ambulance suffered injuries that are not considered life-threatening.

June 9th, 2008

Firefighters in Lebanon, Pennsylvania, probably had to hold their noses when they arrived on a scene Sunday to rescue a man from the holding tank of a portable toilet. Authorities tell WPMT-TV the man used his cell phone to dial 911 from inside the toilet. Rescuers say the man had been drinking and was completely naked. He was pulled out of the port-a-potty holding tank and charged with public drunkenness and creating a health code violation

June 5th, 2008

Today's winner is a 51-year-old Hilton Head Island, South Carolina woman was run over by her Nissan sedan Monday as she backed out of her driveway when she noticed it had no brake pedal. The woman then jumped out and ran behind the vehicle, hoping to stop it. Bad idea -- the vehicle kept rolling, eventually trapping her between it and a palmetto tree. A policeman happened to drive by a few minutes later and saw the woman pleading for help. She was taken to hospital, where her condition is unclear. Aside from the steering wheel, police say the only thing inside the car was a cinder block the woman used as a seat.

June 4th, 2008

A Dutch man was left red-cheeked recently after a rude prank went awry. While mooning customers in a restaurant last Sunday, the 21-year-old man in the town of Utrecht leaned against a window so hard it broke, causing him to fall and resulting in what police called "deep wounds to his derriere." He went to the hospital to treat his injures. His condition is unclear. Before his restaurant exhibition, the man was one of three guys who had pulled their pants down in the middle of the street for all to see. All three men were apprehended by police, but were let go when the restaurant owner elected not to press charges.

June 2nd, 2008

Today's winner is an unidentified man had 16 stainless steel washers removed from his penis Saturday. It's unknown how the items wound up in the man's winkie, but rescue workers were summoned to his home around three in the morning to help him. It's unclear who called for help. After spending the better part of an hour trying to free the hardware from his plumbing, officers elected to bring the man to the hospital, where surgeons spent another hour-and-a-half taking out all the washers. The man is in stable condition.

May 29th, 2008

Today's winners come to us from the Czech Republic, where the country's national soccer team was left red-faced during a home match Tuesday. The Czech team printed photos of the Latvian flag and the Latvian soccer team in a game program, and played the Latvian national anthem for the visiting team before the match. Unfortunately, the Czechs were facing Lithuania that night, not Latvia. The Czech Republic's soccer federation issued an apology to the Lithuanian team. The Czech team won the match, 2-0. Na Zdravvi, dumbass!

May 28th, 2008

A Florida man was arrested Saturday after police found 25 dollars worth of "meat products" down the front of his pants. Authorities in Port St. Lucie tell the Palm Beach Post that Jerry Boston tried to pay for one Slim Jim "Hot Sausage" at a gas station snack shop, but the cashier halted the sale when she spotted five more sticking out of his pants. When the cashier tried to call police, Boston told her to "be cool" because he needed the Slim Jims to feed his kids. Boston fled on his bicycle, but was caught a short time later. Cops found 23 packs of Slim Jim Beef Jerky and Hot Sausage in his pants.

May 21st, 2008

Police in Waco, Texas arrested Kevin Waits yesterday after he called 911 15 times because he grew tired of waiting for a taxi. Each times Waits got through to an operator, he was told he needed to call a cab company and that the police couldn't do anything to help him. Eventually, police decided to give him a ride -- to jail. But after tracing Waits' calls to an apartment, cops found a cab waiting from him after all. However, it turns out Waits didn't have enough money to pay the fare in the first place. He wound up behind bars after he told an officer he had used meth, though the cops took him to a hospital first.

May 20th, 2008

A man in New Zealand who recently realized he was out of money while waiting to buy some food at a service station was arrested after he tried to pay with marijuana. The clerk didn't even have to mull over whether to accept the offer because standing in line behind the man was a police officer, who made the arrest on the spot. The cop just happened to be at the station filling his patrol car's tank and the man who tried to pay with marijuana never noticed the vehicle. The man wanted two bags of M&Ms and some potato chips to satisfy his munchies.

May 19th, 2008

Police in Jacksonville, Florida say an employee of Hungry Howie's Pizza broke into the restaurant where he worked. Police arrived last Wednesday to find the rear door lock smashed, three security cameras broken, and cash and credit card receipts missing from inside. The owner of the restaurant showed police surveillance video that showed an employee, Joseph Whittenton, still wearing his Hungry Howie uniform, committing the burglary. Whittenton was arrested and charged with burglary.

May 16th, 2008

Two Pennsylvania men continue to recover from their decision to steal live power lines that were still attached to a transformer and utility poles. Authorities say Kevin Lytle and Daniel Basinger both received shocks during the theft attempt in Lower Turkeyfoot Township on May 3rd. Both men were charged Wednesday with attempted theft, but only Basinger was well enough to attend the arraignment.

May 15th, 2008

In Port Salerno, Florida, a Hazmat team responded to a fuel clean-up Tuesday morning after a boater pumped gasoline into his fishing rod holder instead of his gas tank. The boater pumped about 100 gallons of gasoline at the fuel dock before he noticed the problem, but only about 15 gallons polluted the water. The rest of the gasoline seeped into the boat's bilge tank.

May 14th, 2008

A man trying to scratch an itch on his back used a revolver ... and accidentally shot himself. Jorge Espinal, 44, was drinking beer and playing poker around 3 a.m. in his home when he got up from the table and walked into another room, police said."He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver," said Fort Worth Police Lt. Kenneth Dean. "The gun went off."

The man then went back in the room and told his buddies that he shot himself. "They didn't believe him until they saw the blood coming down his back," Lt. Dean said. The man was taken to an area hospital where he was treated and released with non-life-threatening injuries.

May 13th, 2008

Cops in Irving, New York, arrested a well-dressed drunk Monday. Authorities say they got a report of an intoxicated person at a home and when they arrived, they found a drunken man in a tuxedo riding a lawn mower. He tried to make a getaway from cops, but officers caught up with his riding mower and charged the man with DUI.

May 9th, 2008

Police in Bucks County, Pennsylvania had no trouble tracking down a suspect who allegedly stole the purses of two women earlier this week. The ladies had taken his photograph in a bar earlier in the night. Investigators say the women were attending a bachelorette party at a bar over the weekend and were taking photos of each other when the suspect, Andre Smith, struck up a conversation with them and jumped in front of the camera as a snapshot was being taken. Smith was later ejected from the bar for allegedly harassing patrons. Police say when two of the women left the bar to go to a nearby convenience store, Smith robbed them of their purses. The women recognized Smith and gave police his photo. He was arrested at a nearby apartment complex and charged with robbery.

May 6th, 2008

Airline travelers at Norway's Tromso Airport were delayed for more than 90 minutes Monday when a man decided to include in his luggage a belt buckle designed to look like a hand grenade. Published reports say workers and travelers were evacuated from the area after alarms sounded. The belt buckle owner later admitted packing an item that looked like a hand grenade was a dumb thing to do. He boarded his flight, but left the belt buckle behind.

May 5th, 2008

An ice cream truck didn't work out too well for a couple of Maryland crooks who tried to get away from authorities in one. According to the "Washington Post," the two men stole 500-dollars worth of stuff from a pharmacy and tried to outrun police in a Good Humor Ice Cream truck. An official with the Charles County Sheriff's Office says the truck was easy to spot and the chase ended when it crashed into another vehicle. Three men in the other vehicle were slightly injured while the suspects were arrested for stealing a lot of soap and shampoo. The crook driving the ice cream truck was also charged with reckless and aggressive driving and trying to flee and elude police.

May 2nd, 2008

In Reading, Pennsylvania, 38-year-old John Messerly allegedly was driving his employer's minivan, while high, and climbed out the window and stood on the roof while the vehicle barreled down the road. He was thrown into the woods when the van ultimately crashed. But he wasn't done. Police say he then stripped naked and led officers on a chase. Police say he had cocaine in his system. John's version is that he did not climb out onto the roof rather he said he was adjusting lumber that had come loose when he was thrown from the vehicle. As for the getting naked part, he said he stripped down to check himself for injuries. He will get his day in court because he's charged with risking a catastrophe, indecent exposure, resisting arrest, driving while intoxicated and other offenses.

May 1st, 2008

21-year-old Charles Ray Fuller was arrested after he tried to cash a check at the Chase Bank in Fort Worth -- a check for $360 BILLION dollars! He was arrested on suspicion of fraud, along with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possession of marijuana. While inside a patrol car, police say Fuller claimed he was starting his own record label and had been given the money by his girlfriend's mother to help him start it.

April 30th, 2008

Police in Sacramento, California recently arrested Kristina Parker for returning to a Target to retrieve a purse full of meth she left behind when she fled after writing a bad check. When Parker's check was rejected, she hightailed it out of the store, but left her purse in her shopping cart. Security guards looked through it and found the meth, so they called the cops. When police showed up, they bumped into Parker, who had returned to the store to get her purse. Instead, cops arrested her.

April 29th, 2008

Christopher Ratte took his 7-year-old son to a Detroit Tigers game three weeks ago. While heading to their seats, Ratte bought a lemonade for his son, Leo. Unfortunately, he ordered a Mike's Hard Lemonade, which, Ratte didn't know, is 5 percent alcohol. "I'd never drunk it, never purchased it, never heard of it," Ratte, a professor of classical archaeology at the University of Michigan, said. "And it's certainly not what I expected when I ordered a lemonade for my 7-year-old." At the top of the ninth inning, a Comerica Park security guard noticed the bottle in young Leo's hand. "You know this is an alcoholic beverage?" the guard asked the professor. "You've got to be kidding," he replied. A physician at the Comerica Park clinic ordered little Leo sent to a hospital where a doctor found no symptoms of inebriation. Child Protection officials took Leo for two days before they allowed Ratte's wife to take their son home, and it was another week before Ratte was permitted to move back into his own house.

April 28th, 2008

Today's dumbasss GPS navigation story comes from Norfolk, England, where a taxi driver followed instructions to turn right and drove straight into a river. Published reports say there were no passengers in the taxi at the time of the incident, but the driver did suffer the embarrassment of having to call his boss for a tow. Taxi company owner Pat Bowles said, "Normal people would stop and back out, but because his satellite navigation told him to keep going, that's what he did."

April 24th, 2008

Two boys, ages 12 and 14, were arrested in Port St. Lucie, Florida, after proving that in no way are they ready to tackle the rigorous thinking required for a life a crime. The boys tried to rob a woman who working at a counter behind protective glass in an office by picking up the convenience phone and threatening her, implying that they had a gun. The woman was never in any real danger partly because of the bullet-proof glass and also because the office the boys decided to rob was the regional office of the Port St. Lucie police department.

April 23rd, 2008

A Clinton woman is in trouble after allegedly using a credit card number stolen from a past employer to pay for court costs. Courtney Gay was arrested and charged with credit card fraud, identity theft and violation of probation.Gay was fired from The Scotts Company in November. The company had discovered that Gay had made several unauthorized payments using a company credit card during her employment, according to court documents.Gay allegedly used the stolen credit card number to pay three court fines totaling $696 associated with three past criminal cases. Gay had pleaded guilty to second-degree theft in January and was sentenced to three years probation. Gay is also accused of using the stolen credit card number to pay for $503.35 in vehicle repairs in October.

April 22nd, 2008

A Kentucky man was arrested on drug charges this past Sunday after attendants at a service station reported he was trying to pump gas into an imaginary car. Louisville police arrived at the scene and found 25-year-old Joshua Moore standing at the gas station, reeking of marijuana. Officers searched Moore and found two bags of weed, a significant amount of Ecstasy and a large amount of cash. He was arrested on three counts of drug trafficking.

April 21st, 2008

A Tempe, Arizona, man was the victim of his own road rage Friday night when he waved a gun in anger at another motorist and accidentally shot himself. Authorities say the wounded man tried to evade police after the incident, but ended up crashing his car into a canal embankment. He then fled on foot, but was chased down and taken to a hospital where he was listed in serious condition. The other driver in the road rage incident was not injured and is talking with police.

April 17th, 2008

Louis Rolstad has a little drug problem. The 46-year-old man called police earlier this month to complain that a midget was hiding in the curtains of his room at the Mountain Inn hotel in Rockaway, New Jersey with the intent of stealing his money. When cops showed up at Rolstad's room, they didn't find a little person, but they did, however, find cocaine, hashish, spoons and other drug-related paraphernalia. Rolstad was arrested.

April 16th, 2008

An Illinois man's attempt at fooling a drug test with fake urine didn't work three years ago but for some reason he tried it again. Authorities say James Day of Woodstock tried to sneak a bag-full of a friend's urine into the McHenry County probation department three years ago. He didn't fool anyone, got caught and was ordered to undergo another half a dozen drug tests. However, he apparently didn't learn his lesson as he tried it again last year but the bag was in his pants when it sprung a leak right in front of his probation officer. The 54-year-old was sentenced the day before yesterday to six months behind bars for defrauding the test. His original charge was misdemeanor marijuana possession.

April 15th, 2008

Police say an unidentified 20-year-old man in Yakima, Washington shot himself in the groin Sunday while trying to hide a shotgun down his pants. While the man's injuries are not considered life-threatening, officials did describe them as "serious." The man is currently being treated at a hospital in Seattle. Officers found the victim lying on the side of the road after they received a tip that someone had shot himself in a house. Authorities found the gun, as well as another one that was stolen from the house where the man shot himself.

April 14th, 2008

Police say it was no surprise a bogus $50 bill got a Long Island man arrested: He was trying to use it to pay his bail on a traffic charge. The transaction compounded Cyheam Forney's legal problems and landed him in jail.Police say they spotted the 31-year-old Forney making an illegal left turn in Melville on Thursday and discovered his license had been suspended. Forney was arrested on a misdemeanor suspended license charge -- until officers said he proffered the counterfeit currency as bail money. He was being held early Friday on a felony charge of possessing a forged instrument.

April 10th, 2008

Cops arrest motorists for DUI all the time, but it's not every day one shows up at the police station. The Oregon State Police says 42-year-old Ruby Ann Pederson was charged with driving under the influence this week after she showed up at a state police office with a blood-alcohol level more than twice the legal limit. Pederson is employed by the state police to clean the office. She was also charged with reckless endangerment because she drove to the police office with her 12-year-old son in the car.

April 8th, 2008

A Georgia robbery suspect is in custody after making things easy for police. According to the "Athens Banner-Herald," 28-year-old Demetrius Robinson was arrested Saturday for a convenience store hold up that took place last week. Cops say Robinson filled out a job application while he waited for the store to empty out, leaving him alone with the cashier. Robinson then allegedly robbed the woman at knifepoint. What made it easy for police is that Robinson reportedly put his real name and his uncle's phone number on the job application. Robinson was also wanted in connection with other robberies, but authorities had been unable to locate him.

April 7th, 2008

A Pennsylvania man is hospitalized in fair condition after leading police on a high-speed chase and crashing his minivan seconds after climbing onto the roof while it was moving. Police in West Reading say the 38-year-old man didn't give up after the Friday night crash, but instead stripped naked and led cops on a foot chase along the road. When pepper spray and a Taser stun gun failed to stop the man, officers tackled him. Charges are pending.

April 4th, 2008

A Florida crook made it easy for cops to arrest him considering he needed to be rescued during the chase. Palm Bay police were recently after a suspected robber when he ditched his truck and tried to swim across a lake. However, the plan didn't work out for him very well as he started to drown and had to call for their help. Two officers swam out to him and helped him back to dry land. He was checked for injuries before being hauled off to jail. The suspect was on probation for a theft conviction.

April 3rd, 2008

The break-in was not nearly as difficult as the break-out for a car thief in Waterloo. Police arrested 24-year-old Cash Burch yesterday after he locked himself inside a truck he was trying to steal. It turns out the Ford Explorer that Burch hopped into comes with an anti-theft apparatus that activates when the battery loses power -- police say Burch killed the battery while trying to start the vehicle. After Burch became trapped, the truck's owner found him and called police, who showed up to open the door from the outside and arrest Burch

April 2nd, 2008

One surefire way to caught when robbing a bank is to leave your wallet behind. A New York criminal stripped off his clothes to throw off cops after he allegedly held up a midtown Manhattan bank recently, forgetting that his ID was still inside the pocket. Police say they now know they are looking for 26-year-old Cory Brown. They believe he robbed two banks over the weekend. His clothes and wallet were found next to a Commerce Bank in midtown that had been robbed Saturday. Detectives also say Brown left behind a birth certificate and a Social Security card.

March 28th, 2008

A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian". Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police several times on February 11 and, on one of those times, told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help. Cradock was cited for using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work. Prosecutors told the court, alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.

March 27th, 2008

An Arkansas man faces a slew of charges after taking a battle with the government into his own hands. According to the "Arkansas Democrat-Gazette," 65-year-old Glenn Sparling rammed two vehicles into a post office. Police say Sparling told them he did because he claims the federal government owes him money. Sparling alleges he used to work for the feds and didn't receive all of his pay. When cops asked why he chose the post office building, he reportedly told them,"because it was the closest government building around." Sparling was not injured in either of the collisions, but he did require help getting out of his car after the second crash. He's been charged with criminal mischief, vehicle fleeing, and DWI.

March 26th, 2008

Chicago police swear this is true: A 18-year-old man entered a muffler shop Monday and declared a robbery. He allegedly waved a gun around and demanded money. When he was told the money was in a safe and that the manager who knew how to open it was not there, the suspect gave the shop employees his cell phone number and asked them to call him when the manager arrived so he could open the safe for him. The man left and the employees opted to call 911. Authorities stationed plain clothes officers in the shop and called the would-be robber back. The suspect showed up again, and waved his gun around again, but this time was shot in the leg by an officer. The injury was not life-threatening.

March 25th, 2008

Getting drunk and climbing up on a carnival ride has left a North Carolina man with severe injuries. Fayetteville police say 23-year-old Lorenzo Bain unbuckled himself from the ride on Friday night while it was still moving in an effort to climb on top of it. According to the "Fayetteville Observer," the ride he was on is called the Scat and straps riders in a standing position while it spins. Authorities say Bain was intoxicated when he tried his stunt and was thrown about 50 feet. He smacked his head on a metal frame of a nearby bumper car and suffered severe injuries. He was last reported to be in fair condition.

March 24th, 2008

Today's dumbass claims an Oreo cookie is the reason he was speeding. When Justin Vonkummer of Millerton, New York, was caught speeding in Salisbury, Connecticut, he blamed the incident on an Oreo cookie he had dropped while trying to dunk it in some milk. He told the cop who stopped him he lost control of the vehicle while he tried to find the Oreo. The incident took place last fall, but only became public last week when the case reached a judge. Vonkummer has been charged with speeding and driving with a suspended license.

March 20th, 2008

Sure, YouTube can make you a star, but in the case of Robert Echeverria, it made him a felon. The 32-year-old Echeverria was recently sentenced to 30 days in jail after he posted a video on YouTube that showed him scamming free food from a Del Taco in Rialto, California, last month.

In the seven-minute video, Echeverria called the restaurant from his car, claiming to be a CEO named Robert Kennedy. Very pleasantly, he told the manager about an order he got that was wrong and how he failed to get a receipt. The manager agreed to replace his order and Echeverria, who claimed he was ill, said he would send his son in to claim the food. Sure enough, a friend pretending to be his son went in and picked up the order -- two quesadillas with extra chicken, seven tacos, two sodas and a large order of fries. Then, the video cut to Echeverria and two other men eating the order in their car. The food they ate was worth roughly 15 dollars. Echeverria, who police say weighs 500 pounds, was busted when someone saw the video and called police. It was pretty easy to track him down, too, since he provided his phone numbers in the video. Police say while Echeverria seemed proud of himself in the video, he cried when they apprehended him. It's not clear what happened to the other two men who were in the car with him.

March 19th, 2008

Fifty-one-year-old Donald Baker called 911 for a wake-up call so he wouldn't miss his court appearance that morning. When the operator warned him he was abusing the emergency number, Baker called the police station and asked an officer there for a wake-up call. Officers managed to figure out Baker's identity, then realized there was an outstanding warrant for his arrest for theft. They tracked him down and hauled him to jail. There's no word if he actually made the court appearance that caused this whole mess.

March 12th, 2008

In St. Paul, Minnesotta, Justin Boudin, 27, was arrested after an altercation at a bus stop, during which he hit a man with a blue folder, dropped the folder and ran off. Police tracked him down through the folder, which officers said included his anger management homework.

March 10th, 2008

The sheriff's department in Franklin County, Alabama had no problem tracking down the individual who dumped a pile of methamphetamine-making material on the side of the road last week. The person also dumped their mail along with it. The Franklin County Times reports police found mail addressed to 20-year-old Jessica Sellers amongst a pile of bottles and substances used to manufacture meth. The police were tipped-off by someone who had been picking through the trash. Sellers was arrested and charged with first-degree manufacturing of a controlled substance.

March 10th, 2008

Today's winner is April Wormly. The U.S. attorney's office said Wednesday the 36-year-old Hobbs, New Mexico woman has been sentenced to two years behind bars for calling in a bomb threat to San Antonio International Airport in an attempt to break up with her boyfriend. The incident occurred last April. Wormly confessed to calling the airport several times to say there was a bomb on a flight headed to Dallas. Her boyfriend was a passenger and she thought that when he found out what she did, he would stop bothering her. The plane in question landed in a different location and all the passengers were evacuated. No bombs were found on the plane. There's no word if Wormly is still with her boyfriend.

March 7th, 2008

A Hutchinson, Kansas, man is on trial this week on charges he put his girlfriend's 2-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son in a hot clothes dryer. Aron Pritchard said he put the kids in the dryer "to show them they could have a good time without much money. All you have to have is an imagination." Pritchard said the dryer door was open and he was kneeling at the opening with his hand on the kill switch while the children took turns riding in the machine. However, after about an hour of playing, the dryer heated up and gave the boy second-degree burns. The incident happened in November of 2006. Pritchard is charged with aggravated child endangerment and child abuse.

March 5th, 2008

A Flint, Michigan man who could've used a hand paying his rent now just needs a hand. Upset that he was about to be evicted for failing to pay his rent, the unidentified man lost most of his hand when he threw what appeared to be a firecracker out of his home Monday. Authorities say the 28-year-old's decision to toss the explosive may have had something to do with a disagreement with his landlord. The man's one-year-old daughter was home during the incident, but was not injured, while he went to the hospital. Police don't know if he will face any charges for his actions.

March 4th, 2008

A man faking blindness for disability benefits in Sapporo, Japan, filed a claim with police saying he had been "run over by a red car."

March 3rd, 2008

Police in Framingham, Massachusetts arrested the 35-year-old Jose Dias Ferreira last Wednesday for drinking gasoline off of the ground, as well as running into traffic and screaming at passing drivers. An employee at a Sunoco station noticed Ferreira on the ground drinking gas that dripped onto the ground from a leaking nozzle. Ferreira ran away and police found him later by some railroad tracks. He then ran into the street and began shouting, forcing all the cars to stop in the road. It's unclear how long Ferreira stayed in the street before police apprehended him.

February 29th, 2008

An elderly German man who tried to steal a suit from a store by wearing it under his clothes was caught when a salesman noticed the hanger sticking out as he left after electing not to buy anything. The police released a statement saying, "Only a sign saying 'Stop me, I'm a thief!' would have made the thief look more unprofessional."

February 28th, 2008

Two masked Australian bandits thought they'd have no problem robbing a bar -- especially when armed with machetes -- but they didn't count on 40 members of a biker gang being inside at the time. The Sydney Morning Herald reports the robbers walked into the crowded bar Wednesday night and began ordering people to lie on the floor when they suddenly discovered 40 members of the Southern Cross Cruiser motorcycle club were in an adjacent room. The leader of the motorcycle gang, identified simply as "The Bear," told the newspaper one robber literally jumped through a plate glass window and leaped off a 12-foot balcony to escape. The gang caught one suspect and police captured the second robber a short time later.

February 27th, 2008

A 19-year-old tried to hold up a Daytona Beach, Florida, convenience store on Sunday night using his finger as a pretend gun. According to sheriff's deputies, Justin MacGilfrey entered the store at about 8 p.m. and told the clerk, "Give me all the money in the register." The clerk, who had been looking down at the time, thought someone was playing a prank on him but looked up and noticed MacGilfrey pointing a finger at him, apparently pretending that it was a gun. The clerk walked out from behind the counter, and MacGilfrey ran out of the store. MacGilfrey was later found and arrested. MacGilfrey admitted to the attempted robbery but claimed that someone else forced him to commit the crime and had threatened him with a weapon if he did not comply.

February 25th, 2008

In Akron, Ohio, 51-year-old Mark Ott walked into a store, grabbed some pretzels, potato chips and other items and then fled. When police arrived, they found Ott in the parking lot trying to unlock his car. He had locked his keys inside.

February 22nd, 2008

In Vernon, British Columbia, a 53-year-old man was arrested and charged with robbing a local bank. Unfortunately for him, he had left his 20-year-old companion and getaway driver in the car listening to the radio. But when the alleged robber got back in with his stolen cash, he discovered the car would not start because the radio had drained the battery. Both were captured in a nearby bakery which didn't turn out to be such a good hiding place.

February 20th, 2008

A Phoenix, Arizona, man was caught Monday trying to use counterfeit $100 bills at a local store. The store clerk said that the money Scott Martin handed him was obviously fake. Instead of having Benjamin Franklin's face, these bills had Abraham Lincoln, whose face appears on the $5 bill. When the store clerk refused to accept the cash from Martin, a fight broke out between them and police were called. Martin was arrested at the store, where police found more of the funny money stuffed in his shirt.

February 18th, 2008

In Tampa, Florida, Etni Ortiz robbed a bank, advising the teller not to do anything stupid, then walked out with $1,860 in cash, leaving behind his resume.

February 15th, 2008

A 45-year-old California man is facing charges for allegedly making approximately 30-thousand prank calls to a number of Alameda County 911 systems. John Triplette was finally arrested by police Wednesday night and reportedly admitted to investigators that he enjoyed annoying the 911 dispatchers. He would burp and make other bodily noises before hanging up. The calls were finally traced to his T-Mobile cellphone.

February 14th, 2008

Instead of a man, the only thing a woman in the Polish town of Koszalin will do is time. Forty-two-year-old Hanna Wozniak faces up to a year in the slammer for making 700 calls to 911, her local army office and the town council and demanding they provide her a man for sex. After police traced the calls to her house, Wozniak said,"I was desperate for sex. It's been so long since I had someone in my bed."

In addition to being charged with wasting emergency services' time, Wozniak also faces charges for making threatening phone calls: she told operators she would start a fire in the hopes a fireman would come over and then show her his hose, if you catch our drift.

February 13th, 2008

Today's dumbass is 59-year-old Kevin Williams of Greymouth, New Zealand, who tried to rob a bank where he was a regular customer. Oh sure, you say, that's pretty dumb, but hardly worth a Daily Dumbass prize, now is it? Just because he tried to rob a bank where he was a regular customer without wearing a disguise...Ahh, but he was wearing a disguise, Sparky. You see, when he walked into the bank, Williams was wearing a pair of men's underpants on his head with a cap on top.

February 12th, 2008

A man called the Rocky Mountain Poison and Drug Center and said that an angry girlfriend had glued tiny high-heeled shoes to his feet while he slept. He said that he couldn't remove the shoes and they were beginning to "shut down his circulation."

February 11th, 2008

Adam Grove of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania turned to eBay to buy a new motorcycle helmet after his custom helmet was stolen. Lucky for him, so did the thief. The Patriot-News reports Grove went to the auction site and became suspicious when he noticed the seller of an identical helmet lived near the place where Grove's was stolen. Grove made a winning bid of 139 dollars and then called police. Christopher Blatnik was arrested and convicted of theft, but Grove is still waiting to get his helmet back. It's sitting in a police evidence room until all appeals are completed.

February 7th, 2008

Tom McKenzie was the victim of a crime of passion. The 19-year-old man from Hilmar, California called police last week to report a woman he paid for sex stole his money before providing the service. McKenzie claims he paid 180 dollars for the woman to come to his house and perform a striptease, which she did. Afterwards, she informed him that for another 80 bucks, they could do the nasty. He walked out of the room to grab a condom, but when he returned the woman had left, taking the money with her. When police arrived after McKenzie called them, he decided not to press charges after a detective informed him he broke the law by paying for sex. Ironically, it's only because the stripper split before they could have sex that McKenzie wasn't arrested.

February 6th, 2008

Brian Waltermyer is too photogenic. Police in York, Pennsylvania arrested the 33-year-old man Monday for robbing a bank after he removed his hood when the teller asked him, providing a surveillance camera with a crystal-clear shot of his face.Waltermyer walked into Integrity Bank last week and handed the teller a note demanding money, but the teller instead told him to remove his hood. Cops who later studied the video recognized him, tracked him down and arrested him. It's unclear if he managed to get away with any money during the holdup.

February 5th, 2008

Police in Tacoma, Washington set up a barricade around a fatal hit-and-run accident scene on Friday night. A short while later, a car drove right through the barricade and past the flares into the middle of the crime scene investigation. Deputies shouted at the driver to stop. When he did, they approached his car and spotted cash, a handgun and suspected drugs in plain sight inside the car. The driver was found to be a convicted felon and placed under arrest. During the arrest, the man told deputies, "I'm probably gonna wind up on one of those 'dumb crook' shows."

January 31st, 2008

A Tennessee woman was charged with possession of burglary tools last weekend after a crowbar fell out of her pants right in front of a sheriff's deputy. Authorities in McMinn County say a deputy approached 35-year-old Jennifer Hunt early Saturday morning after he spotted her acting suspiciously behind a church. When Hunt was walking to get her ID out of her car, a crowbar dropped out of her pants. The officer arrested Hunt after he found a screwdriver on her and noticed pry marks on church doors.

January 30th, 2008

An Illinois man made an improper right turn onto a set of railroad tracks Monday night, but managed to get out of his minivan before it was struck by not one, but two trains. Police in the town of Hinsdale say 72-year-old Francizek Chudzik was rescued by Good Samaritans moments before his 1996 Plymouth Voyager was struck by a passing train. The train pushed the vehicle onto another set of tracks where a second train traveling in the opposite direction smashed into it, causing it to burst into flames. The driver was charged with DUI and trespassing on railroad property.

January 29th, 2008

A Michigan man didn't let a lack of adequate transportation or a little snowstorm prevent him from replenishing his supply of wine last Saturday night. Authorities in the town of Adrian say 49-year-old Frank Kozumplik had consumed two bottles of wine when he decided to buy more, but realized his couldn't drive his car to the store because his wife took it to work. That's when Kozumplik jumped onto his John Deere riding lawn mower and drove two miles through a snowstorm to a liquor store. A police cruiser pulled him over as he was driving home with four bottles of wine in a paper bag. Police charged him with drunken driving and confiscated his mower.

January 25th, 2008

Today's Dumbass is a Sandy Springs, Georgia woman who was "bus"-ted for robbing a bank Wednesday. Police arrested 22-year-old Channel Gaskin for robbing a bank after they found her waiting at a bus stop following the heist.After Gaskin stole an unspecified amount of money from the bank, a dye pack exploded while she was in a parking lot. She then changed her clothes in a bathroom at a grocery store before walking over to a bus stop near the market, where police found her.Gaskin had every reason to think her getaway would work. She told cops she believed she would be able to escape on a bus because she had done it earlier this month after robbing another bank.

January 24th, 2008

When it came to pulling a robbery, Kelvin Roberts literally shot himself in the foot. The 28-year-old man was arrested Sunday after he accidentally blew a hole in his foot during a botched attempt to rob a convenience store in Cherryville, North Carolina. While outside the Gasland USA convenience store, Roberts dropped his .45-caliber handgun, which went off and fired a bullet into his foot. His condition is unclear.

January 22nd, 2008

A Washington State University student was arrested twice in under two hours for smoking marijuana. Cops first cuffed the 20-year-old student when they spotted him toking up in a parking lot. After he was released a short time later, police caught him getting high yet again, this time passing a pipe around in a pickup truck with two other people.

January 18th, 2008

Ronald Stach, 41, protesting the poor showing of the Baltimore Ravens, climbed to the roof of a bar in Baltimore on Dec. 11 and remained there until Christmas Day. The press coverage he received alerted his former wife, Kelly Stach, to his whereabouts so that she could renew her years-long quest to recover some $40,000 in back child support.
Ms. Stach said she was especially incensed at a TV interview in which Ronald lamented how much money he'd spent on Ravens memorabilia.

January 17th, 2008

Authorities in Kokomo, Indiana say a man accidentally shot himself in the groin while robbing a convenience store Tuesday morning. Investigators say the clerk had placed cash in a bag and was turning around to get a pack of cigarettes the robber had demanded when she heard a gun discharge. Surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he sticks the gun into the waistband of his pants. Police examined the video and later arrested 25-year-old Derrick Kosch at his home as he was nursing a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. The suspect was charged with armed robbery and taken to a hospital for treatment.

January 16th, 2008

According to the Quad City Times, a Moline man tried to use a contraption with a fake penis and packaged urine to foil a drug and alcohol screen Monday. Jason R. Hillyer, 32, was charged Tuesday in Rock Island County Circuit Court with unlawfully defrauding an alcohol and drug screening test. The incident occurred while he was giving a sample to the county probation department.Hillyer allegedly had the device strapped to his body with a tube extending from the fake penis to a package of urine wrapped in hand warmers.

January 15th, 2008

Licensed fishermen in Delaware are now required to affix a state sticker to their boats, but the manufacturer of the stickers apparently failed to make sure its stickers stick. Delaware's Fisheries Administration says the new stickers don't stick to boats and actually disintegrate soon after they come in contact with salt water. The manufacturer is now testing new adhesives. Replacement stickers will be sent by mail.

January 14th, 2008

Strip clubs usually have no problem attracting customers, but the owner of one nightspot in Birmingham, England has been forced to close his doors after less than a year due to a significant lack of interest from the community. The Sun newspaper reports the Tricky Dicky strip club was the first club in Britain to offer lap dances from only male strippers. The newspaper says the club was usually empty because local female residents weren't as interested as their male counterparts in getting lap dances, or paying the 70 dollar fee required to get into the place.

January 10th, 2008

Bryan Scott Moron is living up to the family name. The 20-year-old Burleson, Texas man got drunk and drove his pickup truck into a house last week. Moron first ran into a mailbox before he crashed into the house. His blood alcohol level was more than twice the legal limit. It's unclear if anyone was injured in the accident.

January 9th, 2008

A man attempting to steal some kitchen knives from a grocery store in Grand Rapids, Michigan stabbed himself when he fell making his getaway Monday night. The man had shoplifted the knives and was trying to get away with them when he fell, piercing himself in the stomach. When police arrived at the store he was unconscious. He was taken to a hospital for treatment.

January 8th, 2008

In Spring Hill, Florida, a woman knocked on a stranger's door and asked for a ride home because she said the abominable snowman was chasing her. After police were called, the woman told a sheriff's deputy that she had gotten drunk at a local bar the previous night and that the snowman, which she described as 7 feet tall, had chased her. She said she fought the snowman, even getting in a kick. The woman was arrested on a charge of disturbing the peace.

December 10th, 2007

Police in Gillette, Wyoming arrested 22-year-old Peter Tillotson Thursday for breaking into a store called Ed's Radiator after they found a receipt with his name on it that he left at the scene. Though Tillotson had purchased tires at a different shop, he accidentally left the purchase receipt behind when he fled Ed's Radiator after he robbed it. The receipt featured Tillotson's name and address, as well as a description of his truck. Tilloton took half a dozen guns and a safe filled with 12 thousand dollars in cash and 15 hundred dollars worth of jewelry from the store he robbed. After cops approached him with their evidence, Tillotson confessed to the crime.

December 10th, 2007

Richard Hamilton and James Sanders were arrested Friday in Columbus, Indiana for possessing 10 pounds of marijuana after a cop stopped them for tailgating him. The officer who pulled them over said the men were speeding and following a little too close behind him. When he stopped the vehicle, the officer smelled the odor of pot and searched the car, at which time he found the drugs. The marijuana is worth an estimated 10 thousand dollars.

December 5th, 2007

Criminals don't get much dumber or lazier than Barbara Joyner. Police in Hardeeville, Florida arrested the 59-year-old Joyner on Tuesday for trying to rob a bank at the drive-thru. Joyner pulled up to the bank and inserted a hold-up note through the tube she sent to the teller, who took it to her manager. The manager, in turn, called 911. Because the police station is located just down the road from the bank, cops managed to arrive on the scene quicker than you can say "ATM." Joyner tried to drive away, but officers caught her after a brief chase.

Authorities say Joyner didn't even try to disguise herself and most likely chose to rob the bank on the spur of the moment.And as silly as robbing a bank at the drive-thru may sound, it actually does happen, albeit not often. According to the FBI, one percent of all bank robberies in the country last year occurred at the drive-thru.

December 5th, 2007

A judge in Naples, Italy, has issued subpoenas for Tweety Bird, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and his girlfriend Daisy to appear Friday at a trial for a man accused of counterfeiting products owned by Warner Brothers and the Walt Disney Company. Published reports say a court clerk inadvertently added the cartoon characters to a witness list of persons scheduled to testify as damaged parties in the criminal case. A Disney attorney said Mickey, Donald and Daisy cannot show up because they live at Disneyland. The court is expected to correct the witness list and cancel the subpoenas issued for Tweety, Mickey, Donald and Daisy.

November 30th, 2007

Here's one crime that may have been worth not reporting. According to Washington's "Kitsap Sun," a 51-year-old woman called police Tuesday after she found that someone had broken into her bedroom window and stolen marijuana, as well as a marijuana smoking device. When the responding officer asked how much marijuana was missing, the woman demonstrated with her hands. The officer then estimated that the amount was less than one-half-ounce. The woman also claimed that the marijuana belonged to a friend and not to her.

November 29th, 2007

A Cape Cod, Massachusetts, man won $1 million in the state lottery - but he might not be able to collect any of it. Timothy Elliot bought a $10 ticket for the $800 Million Spectacular instant game and won a million. He picked up the first of 20 annuity checks for $50,000 on Monday. But a law enforcement source discovered that Elliot had pleaded guilty to robbing banks in February 2001 and January 2006. After each robbery he was sent to a mental hospital. After the 2006 robbery, Elliot was told that as part of his probation he was not allowed to "gamble, purchase lottery tickets." It's now up to a judge to decide if Elliot gets to keep the money.

November 28th, 2007

Alexander Smith's million-dollar idea was anything but. Police in Aiken, South Carolina arrested the 31-year-old man Monday for trying to deposit a fake one-million-dollar bill into a bank account. Smith walked into the bank to open an account with the hopes of depositing the phony bill in it. The employee helping him refused to do so and called the police when Smith began cursing. He was charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery -- one for the fake bill and another for buying cigarettes with a stolen check at a nearby store.

November 26th, 2007

Sandy Wong wants everyone to see how much he loves cars. The 45-year-old Canadian man was sentenced to 90 days in jail last week for pleasuring himself while he sat on the roof of a BMW at a car show back in March.

While attending the Home and Garden Show in Edmonton, Wong pulled his sweatpants down to his ankles, hopped up on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan and proceeded to play with himself. The BMW he defiled costs 50 thousand dollars. Security detained Wong until police arrived to arrest him. At Wong's trial, a psychiatrist testified he is turned on by the BMW's roof because, "it's curved like a woman's body." A witness also testified once seeing Wong rub his private parts on a MINI Cooper parked outside a restaurant. In addition, he admitted he masturbated on a 1991 Buick while naked back in June. Wong, who has a lengthy criminal record that includes several arson convictions, also admitted he has a, "sexual captivation" with motorcycles.

In addition, testimony surfaced claiming Wong has a foot fetish, buys pornographic magazines to fulfill that obsession and once forked over 50 dollars to a prostitute in exchange for her providing an unspecified service involving her feet. While Wong was sentenced to 90 days time served while in pre-trial custody.

November 21st, 2007

A British man pleaded guilty to drunk and disorderly conduct this week, but strongly denied he tried to have sex with a wrought iron fence. Prosecutors in the city of Westminster say 24-year-old Daniel French had been drinking all night when officers spotted him making, "sexual motions" towards an iron fence surrounding a park last Sunday morning. An officer on the scene quoted French as saying, "I'm going to have sex with that fence." In court, French denied making the statement and said the thought of having sex with a fence was disgusting. He was sentenced to time served and released.

November 20th, 2007

A 19-year-old man broke into a Carl's Jr. restaurant in Santa Paula, California Sunday morning, but he wasn't looking for cash, he was looking for food. Authorities say the suspect told police he had been drinking and decided to break into the fast food outlet because he was hungry. The suspect was trying to cook something on the grill when police showed up. He fled, but was caught a short distance away. Ruben Manzano is charged with commercial burglary.

November 16th, 2007

Today's dumbass comes from Tampa, Florida, where a bandit ran out of his pants and accidentally shot himself in the hip while fleeing a gas station hold-up. The Tampa Tribune reports police found the man's pants and the gas station's cash register a short distance from the scene. The suspect was caught when he showed up at a hospital and nurses notified authorities they had a patient with a bullet wound. Matthew James, 33, is being held without bail.

November 15th, 2007

Santa Claus isn't feeling very jolly in Australia these days. The Australian recruitment company Westaff, which supplies hundreds of Santas to department stores, has advised its St. Nick trainees to steer clear of "Ho, ho, ho" because the phrase could frighten children and could also be interpreted as being derogatory to women.

One Santa trainee told The Daily Telegraph he was taught not to say "Ho, ho, ho" because it was too close to the slang for prostitute. That Santa, along with two other trainees, quit over the issue. Sari Hegarty, national Santa coordinator for Westaff, sent an e-mail to stores to explain her company's position. Hegarty wrote in part, , "Part of our advice to our Santas is that they should be mindful of children having their first Santa experience. We ask our Santas to try techniques such as lowering their tone of voice and using "Ha, ha, ha" to encourage children to come forward and meet Santa."

November 14th, 2007

A 54-year-old California woman is recovering in hospital after being struck by a freight train in an incident she chalked up to silliness. Authorities in the town of Marysville say Deborah Thompson drank a bottle of whiskey before she walked next to a set of railroad tracks and tried to wave down a freight train. The train didn't stop, but it did strike Thompson, sending her flying about 30 yards. When police asked her why she did what she did, Thompson replied she was just being silly. The silly woman suffered head injuries and a fractured thigh bone.

November 13th, 2007

A Washington state man suffered injuries to both legs and other parts of his body Saturday when he gave up using a tire iron to loosen a stubborn lug nut and grabbed a 12-gauge shotgun instead. Authorities in Kitsap County say the unidentified 66-year-old man had removed all but one of the lug nuts from a rear wheel on his Lincoln Continental and was determined to get the last one off. Police say he stood about an arm's length away from the wheel and fired his shotgun, whereupon -- surprise! -- he was peppered with buckshot and debris in both legs and his torso. Police say the man was alone at the time and was not intoxicated. He's expected to make a complete recovery. No word on if he ever got that lug nut off.

November 12th, 2007

Today's confused airline passenger covered in salad dressing story comes from the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport, where police found a 27-year-old man sitting on the floor of a terminal on Halloween. Authorities released a report last week that said the man reeked of salad dressing, expressed confusion about where he was and was missing one shoe. Police later determined he had been drinking vodka at an airport lounge and the salad dressing came from a take-out lunch he purchased and spilled all over himself. He was detained for public intoxication.

November 9th, 2007

A beer emergency is not an actual emergency. Police in Hebron, Connecticut, arrested 35-year-old Brian Poulin last Sunday after he dialed 911 several times and asked operators to bring him beer. He was charged with disorderly conduct. After cops arrested Poulin in his home, they brought him to a hospital for an undisclosed ailment.

November 8th, 2007

35-year-old Jose Guadalupe Flores wasn't blowing smoke up officers' behinds when he called police in Texas' Hidalgo County last week to report someone stole 150 pounds of marijuana from his home. Officers rushed to Flores' home and found 15 pounds of pot on the floor. Flores says he wasn't home when two men broke in and stole the stash he was preparing to send out. Making matters worse for Flores is the fact he's an illegal immigrant, so he'll remain in jail until his case goes before a judge. Authorities are still looking for the men who stole the drugs.

November 7th, 2007

Police in Danbury, Connecticut, arrested 24-year-old Scott Snow last Saturday after he walked into the police station smoking a marijuana cigarette. Snow allegedly walked in and blew some smoke into an opening of the bullet-proof glass cops sit behind. When an officer told Snow he couldn't smoke in the building, he extinguished the joint on a counter, at which point other cops sauntered over to him and were overcome by the stench of pot.

November 6th, 2007

Two New Zealand men are being treated for serious burns after they both got drunk and tumbled into a bonfire while holding a can of gasoline. The New Zealand Herald reports the men were drunk when they decided to use a can of gas to light a bonfire in a backyard in the town of Dunedin around 4 a.m. Police say the men started fooling around and they both fell into the flames while holding the can of gas. The fuel erupted and made falling into a bonfire that much worse.

November 5th, 2007

November 2nd, 2007

In Kiev, Ukraine, a man was arrested after he used one of the exhibits at a new museum dedicated to the history of the toilet.
The toilet museum features examples of toilets from its earliest beginnings as
a hole in the ground to modern-day toilets.
Vassiliy Kovalchuk, 48, said: "I didn't realize they were only to look at. They told me afterwards visitors are supposed to use the public toilets on the street. I told them I want my money back." The museum has now added "Not for use" signs on all of its exhibits.

November 1st, 2007

Insurance may not sound like a dangerous job, but, oh, it is. An unidentified 47-year-old man in Lake Worth, Texas shot himself in both legs Tuesday after a gun he brought to his job at an insurance agency discharged when he sat down at his desk.

The man kept the .45-caliber pistol in his jacket pocket, which he hung over his chair. When he sat down -- bang! -- the gun went off, ripping through his left and right legs before passing through a bookcase in his cubicle and lodging in the other side of the wall, where a female co-worker sat. Police say the man brought the gun to work simply because he wanted it with him and not out of anger towards his boss or co-workers. Still, the man does not have a gun permit and he also violated his company's policy prohibiting employees from bringing firearms to work. Authorities plan to wait for the man to recover from his injuries before deciding what charges to file.

October 31st, 2007

A judge in southwestern Michigan says an assault with pickles may be the silliest case he's ever seen in a courtroom. Thirty-five-year-old Bobby Lee Bolen was accused of breaking into his friend's home in August and ambushing the victim with pickles. Bolen was charged with home invasion and assault. He was sentenced Monday to 54 days in jail, a year's probation and more than one-thousand-dollars in fines. He also agreed to undergo a substance abuse evaluation by a judge.

October 30th, 2007

Time is of the essence for Theresa Walker. The 43-year-old woman is accused of threatening to shoot a Cincinnati police officer because he was taking too long writing her a ticket.

The incident unfolded around midnight Saturday when officer Jeff Bly pulled Walker over during a routine traffic stop. Bly went to his car to write a ticket for an undisclosed infraction, but Walker became impatient at how long he was taking, so she called police headquarters and threatened to shoot Bly if he didn't speed up the process. Walker was arrested and charged with aggravated menacing. Her attorney, meanwhile, said she was misunderstood and claims Walker had threatened to SUE the police department, not SHOOT the officer.

October 29th, 2007

He's not gay, but Joshua Smith should've come out of the closet. Police in Akron, Ohio charged the 25-year-old man with burglary last week after he broke into his ex-girlfriend's home and proceeded to fall asleep in her closet. The unidentified woman came home one night last month, unaware Smith had sneaked into the house and hid in her closet. He didn't wake up until the next morning when the woman opened her closet, noticed a strong stench of beer and saw him there, passed out. Smith ran out of the house without putting his shoes on. Cops tagged the footwear as evidence and later tracked him down. Cops say it's the second time Smith has broken into his ex's home.

October 26th, 2007

A 47-year-old Burlington, Iowa, man was arrested Tuesday after complaints that he had been harassing a woman he used to date by phoning throughout the night and throwing corn at her home. The woman called police Sunday night claiming Daniel Wilson had been calling and "corning" the house where she was staying. He was arrested for harassment.

October 25th, 2007

Today's dumbass comes from Silver Springs Shores, Florida, where a thief tried to break into a pharmacy via an air conditioning shaft and ended up getting stuck for ten hours.

Police say 25-year-old Jeffery Mumani removed an air conditioning cover and climbed into a shaft after the store closed Monday night, but became trapped. He started calling for help when employees arrived to open the store the next day at 8 a.m. It took firefighters more than an hour and a half to remove Mumani from the shaft. He was treated for minor injuries before being sent off to jail.

October 24th, 2007

In Tampa, Florida, Etni Ortiz robbed a bank, advising the teller not to do anything stupid, then walked out with $1,860 in cash, leaving behind his resume.

October 19th, 2007

Drunk driving and drunk dialing did in an Austrian man earlier this week. A man in the town of Andau who was too drunk to change his tire accidentally called police instead of the roadside emergency number he meant to dial. It didn't take long for cops to tell he was drunk, so they sent over a patrol car and an officer revoked his license on the spot. It's not clear if he was arrested.

October 18th, 2007

A man was caught on Tuesday morning inside a car with his pants down.Police said Kim Leblanc broke into a parked car overnight on Central Parkway, and the owner found him asleep inside and called police. Officers said Leblanc was not wearing any pants when they arrived. Investigators said Leblanc told them he had taken drugs and believed that a leprechaun had let him into the car. Leblanc remains in police custody on a variety of charges.

October 12th, 2007

Florida's Palm Beach Post reports a man and woman were both intoxicated Tuesday when they decided to cross the tracks in front of an oncoming train in Delray Beach. Both were struck by the train, but a broken leg didn't stop the woman from asking for a cold one. When she asked paramedics what happened and found out she had been hit by a train, she replied, "Oh, can I get a beer?"

Paramedics rejected her request and instead transported her to a local hospital. The man was also injured, but both are expected to make a complete recovery.

October 11th, 2007

In Bartlesville, Oklahoma, a man under arrest for public intoxication picked up an additional charge of assault and battery after he gave the arresting officer a "wet willie."

October 10th, 2007

A Pittsburgh man flew into a rage last Saturday when a supermarket cashier refused to give him change for a one million dollar bill. Authorities say the man became even more upset when the manager of the Giant Eagle supermarket confiscated the bill, which bore a portrait of President Grover Cleveland. Police say the man smashed a credit card machine at the checkout lane and reached for the price scanner gun. Cops arrived and arrested the man. He refused to give his name.

Investigators believe the bogus bill came from a Dallas-based ministry which handed out thousands of religious pamphlets last year with a picture of President Cleveland on a one million dollar bill. The largest U.S. currency note in circulation is the 100 dollar bill.

October 9th, 2007

A British teenager racked up a $2300 phone bill - by voting for herself in an online beauty contest. Wannabe model Chelsea Gledhill, 14, from Halifax, sent nearly 2,000 texts in a month, costing 60 pence each. Chelsea had sent in a picture of herself to the contest, with her parents' consent. She was invited to a London photoshoot and her picture was put on a website where people could vote for their favorite by text. She got to the final five with 1,972 text votes - mainly from herself. Judges then chose two other girls to go on to the grand final while Chelsea was given a consolation prize of $200 of make-up.

October 5th, 2007

A 31-year-old Japanese man who thought he found the perfect gift now needs to find the perfect shrink. The man, who works for an online clothing sales company, trashed his employer's office and destroyed nearly two dozen computers after the boss ignored a gift of jellies the employee gave him.

The man had given his boss a box of jelly desserts over the summer as a thank-you for hiring him. But after the employee noticed the jellies sitting unopened under his employer's desk, he beat the Smuckers out of 22 computers in the office. No one was injured during his tirade. Earlier this week, the man pleaded guilty to obstructing business with force. The employee's lawyer said,"I wish the company president had cared a little more." By the way, the boss says he didn't open the jellies because he was just too busy.

October 3rd, 2007

In Yonkers, New York, a man who broke into a home but was chased away by a barking dog left his boots behind. He was arrested when an officer saw him walking shoeless. John Lyles climbed through the home's window around 4 a.m. Friday and took off his boots, probably so he wouldn't make any noise while sneaking around, police said. But the homeowner's dog started growling and barking at him, and he ran away empty-handed - and barefoot. Later that morning, an officer spotted Lyles walking without shoes in a nearby apartment building hallway, questioned him and arrested him. Lyles, 36, was charged with second-degree burglary.

October 2nd, 2007

Breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, but it's one you shouldn't eat while on the go. A Houston motorist injured four people, including himself, yesterday when he plowed into a city bus while eating oatmeal. The driver was in his SUV when he ran a red light and crashed into the front of the bus. His vehicle then spun around and crashed into the back of the bus. Authorities arrived on the scene and were left Quaker-ing in their shoes when they found oatmeal all over the SUV, the bus and the road. The driver of the SUV had to be cut out of his truck and taken to the hospital. Three passengers on the bus went to the hospital after complaining of back and neck pain. The condition of all four of them remains unclear.

October 1st, 2007

Drew Carey was recently taping an upcoming episode of "The Price Is Right." A female contestant said to Drew: "I'm so excited I'm going to pee in my pants." Drew replied, "OK, but wait at least until you hear what you won." He then told her what she'd won. Then she peed. Staffers took her off to a side, grabbed a hair dryer and blow-dried her pants and panties. Cleaned up and calmed down, she then returned to the stage. The Drew Carey-hosted version starts airing on October 15.

September 28th, 2007

This week's dumbass burglary award goes to the geniuses in Des Moines, Iowa, who tried to enter a liquor store by cutting through the roof, but miscalculated and cut their way instead through the overhang in front of the store.

The Des Moines Register says a witness spotted the two teenage burglars on the roof last week and ordered them to get down. The two obeyed and jumped down right in front of a store security camera. The teens fled, but were caught a short time later. Store owner Rich Bartlett told the newspaper, , "They forgot to take into account the overhang."

September 27th, 2007

A barmaid in Australia is in court answering questions after she served disinfectant to a customer. Emily Craig served a shot of Pine-O-Cleen to the man earlier this year and he got very sick. Her attorney argues that Craig is a "prankster" and meant no harm when she served the chemical. Craig claims it was simply a misguided joke that got out of hand while she was working at the Evolution Club but she ended up in a Melbourne Court for it. She is known to have carried out other jokes but the floor cleaner took it to another level. Craig has lost her job at the bar and is facing intentionally causing injury charges.

September 25th, 2007

When police responded to reports of a man running naked through midtown Tucson, Ariz., they followed the man home, where they then found his substantial marijuana-growing operation.

September 19th, 2007

Today's Dumbass is a man in Oregon who nearly died after a pet rattlesnake that he put in his mouth while drinking with some friends bit him inside his throat.Matt Wilkinson said when he put his eastern diamondback rattlesnake down his throat, he immediately noticed a shot-like sensation.

"Me, being me, I put his head in my mouth", Wilkinson said. "At first, it felt like someone had given me a shot in the mouth."

Wilkinson's throat began to swell and close as poison rushed through his body.Doctors stuck a breathing tube down his throat, injected several rounds of anti-venin and then put him in a medical coma for three days.Wilkinson, who nearly died from the incident, is still recovering from the bite. "They said I had enough venom in me to kill between 12 and 15 people," Wilkinson said.

September 18th, 2007

Alcohol and propellers go together about as well as you'd expect alcohol and propellers to go together. A man in Australia who had been drinking while on a boat Sunday suffered severe injuries when he fell out and the boat's propeller chopped up his face.

The man and two other friends got a little tipsy while having a few too many drinks, which may explain why they thought it would be a good idea to moon some people they spotted. They lost their balance, however, and fell into the water, at which point the propeller sliced up the man's face. He was brought to the hospital with serious injuries, though he's now listed in stable condition.

September 14th, 2007

In St. Paul, Minnesota, Justin Boudin was at a bus stop on August 29 when he began arguing with waiting passengers. He was particularly upset with a 59-year-old woman and yelled at her, saying, "Why don't you show me some respect?" When she took out her cell phone, Boudin hit the woman, causing her to fall and strike her head on a nearby brick building. A witness tried to help her and Boudin hit that man too, with a folder. Before the bus arrived, Boudin ran, dropping the folder of paperwork he was supposed to bring to his anger management class. Police used the papers to help identify him.

September 13th, 2007

In Orlando, Florida., a man suspected of drunken driving was being pursued by police when he decided to get out of his car and make a run for it. When police caught up with him, he was still clutching a Corona beer from the 12-pack in the front seat of his car!

September 12th, 2007

In Carson City, Nev., a 23-year-old woman drove her car through the front window of a restaurant, hit a customer, backed out of the wreckage to broadside a car, then begged police not to arrest her after she blew a blood-alcohol reading of 0.264 because "that would really screw up my insurance."

September 11th, 2007

A thief in Santander, Colombia, attempted a robbery on Friday. He tried robbing a karate school. The man entered a martial arts school with a gun, but students managed to react, put their knowledge to use and disarmed him, according to police. The robber was recovering in a hospital.

September 7th, 2007

A British teenager's idea to write his name on the wall of a children's campsite he vandalized landed him and a buddy in front of a judge. According to BBCNews.com, 18-year-olds Peter Addison and Mark Ridgeway were picked by cops after Addison wrote "Peter Addison was here!" at the scene of the crime. The pair reportedly set off fire extinguishers and broke pottery as well. Police decided to run Addison's name through their computer and got a hit. A police official summed up the case by saying, "There are some pretty stupid criminals around, but to leave your own name at the scene of the crime takes the biscuit."

September 5th, 2007

Police in Des Moines, Iowa, arrested a man Sunday for assaulting his father with a bag of Cheetos. Twenty-two-year-old Patrick Hamman threw a bag filled with the chips at his dad's face, cutting his nose. After Hamman lost his Chester Cheetah cool, his father called the cops, who showed up to make the arrest. In the official police report, cops wrote the dad's shirt, "was also covered in Cheeto dust." Cops say Hamman admitted being on meth at the time of the incident. It's not clear why Hamman was angry at his father in the first place.

September 4th, 2007

In Modesto, California, Joshua Moreno, attempting to get a judge to lift a restraining order, went to court disguised as his wife in a dress, high heels, red lipstick and long black wig and spoke in a high-pitched falsetto voice. The judge wasn't fooled, however, and had Moreno arrested.

August 31st, 2007

In Laohekou, China, a man on a motorcycle pulled up in front of a woman standing outside a bank with a bag in her hands, grabbed the bag and took off. It turned out that the bag contained dog poo (the woman had just picked up after her dog).

August 30th, 2007

A car salesman in McMinnville, Tennessee has been caught offering factory-to-zipper incentives. Police have charged Gene Wilson of Wilson Motors with promising an 18-year-old woman a lower price on a car in exchange for sexual favors. The incident was captured on videotape during an undercover sting officers conducted. after the woman contacted them about Wilson's unconventional sales technique. Wilson told the woman he'd knock 100 bucks off the price of a car if she provided him with sex. Wilson now faces a maximum of one year in jail.

August 29th, 2007

More is not always better for robbers. When James Mitchell recently tried to steal four dollars from a Greenburgh, New York man, he made his victim break a 10 dollar bill in a pizza parlor because he didn't have four dollars on the nose to give Mitchell. The incident began when Mitchell demanded his victim hand over a rose he was carrying while leaving a store. When the victim refused, Mitchell whipped out a knife and insisted on taking the rose, as well as four dollars. When the victim said he only had a 10, Mitchell ordered him to go into the pizza parlor and get change for it because he only wanted four bucks. When Mitchell fled after getting the money, the victim called police, who managed to capture him.
It's unclear why Mitchell was so intent on getting four dollars.

August 28th, 2007

No man likes arguing with his significant other, but not many of them would dodge traffic to avoid it. An unidentified Denver man jumped out of a moving car on a highway last Friday in order to avoid having an argument with his significant other, who was driving.

Police, who found the man on the side of the road, say he decided to leap out so he wouldn't have to keep fighting with her. The woman reportedly refused to stop the car or pull over while they quarreled, so he took matters into his own hands by jumping out of the car. Officials say the man suffered non-life-threatening road rash.

August 27th, 2007

In White Plains, N.Y., a woman who shoplifted a pair of jeans from a Neiman Marcus store thought she couldn't be arrested once she left the store. When a security guard followed her outside, she went into a rage, reportedly yelling, "It's too late, I already left the store!" She was arrested.

August 23rd, 2007

Talk about adding insult to injury. A Rogers Park, Illinois man who shot himself in the groin has been charged with unlawful use of a weapon. Nineteen-year-old Patrick Jefferson was riding his bike when a gun tucked in his waistband discharged shortly after midnight Tuesday. Jefferson went to the hospital, but his condition is unclear.

August 22nd, 2007

Police in Des Moines, Iowa found a naked woman armed with a hammer as they responded to a domestic dispute call. "The Des Moines Register" reports Satin Delfrano allegedly assaulted several women and even a police officer after becoming severely intoxicated. She reportedly had gouged one woman's eyes and slammed another woman's head against a wall. The police report says 32-year-old Delfrano was allowed to get dressed before police escorted her outside in handcuffs, where she reportedly injured one officer with a swift kick to his leg. She is being held on 56-hundred-dollars bond.

August 15th, 2007

A 20-year-old movie theater employee in Seattle has been arrested for setting up a video camera in the women's restroom. Police say he was caught after he accidentally filmed himself setting up the camera. Police were called the Cinerama in downtown Seattle Saturday night after a woman discovered the camera while using the bathroom. Police showed the beginning of the video to the theater manager and he recognized the man seen setting up the camera as one of his employees. The unidentified worker has been jailed on suspicion of voyeurism.

August 14th, 2007

Today's Dumbass is from Ashland, Kentucky, where a hold-up man walked into a liquor store with duct tape wrapped around his head to conceal his identity. WSAZ-TV reports the store owner responded by grabbing a wooden club wrapped in duct tape and chased the suspect into the parking lot, where he tackled him and held him for police. The suspect, Kasey Kazee, told police he has no memory of going into the liquor store and doesn't remember police removing the duct tape.

August 9th, 2007

Four teenage burglary suspects in Maryland made it easy for police to find them by leaving a candy wrapper trail behind. Anne Arundel County police say the group burglarized a BP Station earlier this week and officials responded to the alarm with a K-9 unit. The dogs tracked the scent and followed a trail of wrappers to the suspects. The three boys and a girl were found, along with candy and cigar wrappers all over the place. They are charged with second degree burglary.

August 8th, 2007

Authorities in New Hudson, Michigan say a bank robber fled the scene of a hold-up without any cash Monday after a teller asked him if he brought a bag with him to carry the stolen loot. Police tell The Detroit News the suspect entered a Chase Bank branch wearing a hooded sweatshirt, sunglasses and winter gloves. Investigators say the robber passed a hold-up note to a teller and told her to hurry up, but got flustered when she asked if he had a bag to put the money into. He fled empty-handed.

August 7th, 2007

In New York City, a man robbed the Brooklyn residence of a local politician, making off with thousands of dollars in jewelry and other items, but left behind a computer disk containing his résumé and his keys. When police called the man using the number on the résumé, the suspect asked if they had found his keys.

August 6th, 2007

Last week in Waynesboro, Virginia, 46-year-old Glenn Bowers was charged with driving intoxicated on a riding lawn mower. It marks the second time Bowers has been arrested for the crime -- his first occurred in 2003.This time out, police arrested Bowers after they found him on his mower towing a trailer with his dog in it. A test revealed his blood-alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit. Bowers, incidentally, has neither a car nor a driver's license.

How does Bowers feel about his latest brush with the law? He said, "I think it's a bunch of [expletive], if you want my opinion. I could understand if I was in a car."

August 3rd, 2007

Verle Peter Dills is U-turned on by street signs. Police in Sioux Falls, South Dakota arrested the 60-year-old man Tuesday after finding videotapes of him masturbating and engaging in sex acts with traffic signs.

Cops went to a home where Dills rents a room after a neighbor complained of seeing Dills with a video camera in his backyard on two separate occasions. When officers went to Dills' residence, they found a treasure trove of videos -- 50, to be exact, all of which featured him pleasuring himself and performing sexual acts on street signs. Authorities believe the videos go back at least two years. Dills, who works as an independent contractor, was charged with burglary, unlawful occupancy and six counts of indecent exposure. Meanwhile, a man on whose home Dills worked spoke out on his behalf, saying, "I'll come and stand up for him any time."

August 2nd, 2007

Rescuers in a mountain forest near Vancouver saved an unidentified 48-year-old man who had chained himself to a tree for the last six days in an attempt to kill himself. After hikers searching for a dog came across the man Tuesday, they called police. The man told officers he went to the forest six days earlier and chained himself to the tress as part of his plan to commit suicide. Because of the rough mountain terrain, a chopper had to free the man from the tree. In a truly ironic twist, the man did not suffer any life-threatening injuries.

July 31st, 2007

A cat in Dallas has proven once again that felines are often more trouble than they're worth. A man who claims he was trying to bring his sick cat to the vet yesterday wound up getting arrested after he led police on a 45-minute high-speed chase.

The incident began when the unidentified man refused to pull over during a routine traffic stop. With cops hot on his tail, he kept driving and weaving along the roads at speeds up to 80 miles per hour before suffering a flat tire. At that point, officers arrested the man, who told reporters on the scene he was rushing to bring his sick cat to the vet. He also said said he had hoped police would've just given up trying to catch him. While the man went to jail, animal control officers took the cat. Its condition is unclear.

July 30th, 2007

A Polish man who sent a slew of text messages has received one loud and clear from his company: don't abuse your cell phone privileges. Leszek Wojcik, a bus driver in the city of Slupsk, has been fired for sending 38 thousand text messages on his company's cell phone in an attempt to win a contest. Overall, Wojcik rang up a 34 thousand-dollar bill -- in pursuit of a 36 thousand-dollar grand prize.

City bus drivers are allowed to make five dollars worth of calls on their work cell phones each month. Wojcik, who said he wanted to win so he could buy a new car, sent an average of 12 hundred text messages every day during the contest, with each one costing about 86 cents

July 27th, 2007

When it came to Darryl Connor's conviction, the writing was on the wall -- and the checks. The 31-year-old New Zealand man wrote his name, address and telephone number when endorsing stolen checks he used to get cash and buy alcohol. He was convicted yesterday on nearly a dozen fraud-related charges.

Last month, a friend who had stolen the checks gave them to Connor, who proceeded to go on a four-day binge, during which he used the checks to load up on liquor and cash. All told, he wrote checks out to cash for 900 dollars and bought 150 dollars worth of alcohol with other checks before he was arrested. Connor will be sentenced in September.

July 25th, 2007

When it comes to biggest screw-ups, Lindsay Lohan is getting a serious run for her money from a 40-year-old man named Kevin Rich. That's because Rich was arrested three times in three hours last Sunday in Oneida, New York. Rich's first brush with the law took place when he was arrested for soliciting money from people and loitering. An hour later, cops hauled him back to jail on a disorderly conduct charge after he stepped in front of a bus, causing the driver to slam on his brakes. Rich hit the Miranda rights trifecta later when cops caught him taking money from people after telling them he'd run out of gas and needed to be somewhere. Cops say Rich lied because he doesn't own a car.

July 24th, 2007

Nineteen-year-old Brianna Sanchez of La Plata, New Mexico played with a lighter while she pumped gas into her car Friday. If you're smarter than her, you probably already have an idea how this turned out. Sanchez wound up in the hospital after she suffered burns when the lighter ignited the gas fumes. Flames shot out of the tank and set part of the car up in flames but luckily, a person at the station managed to extinguish the inferno. Witnesses at the service station said they saw Sanchez with the lighter shortly before the accident. She suffered burns to her face and upper torso.

July 23rd, 2007

People may lose their bearings after a car crash, but not their clothes. A man who crashed his car into a city bus in Orlando, Florida on Saturday got out of his vehicle, walked across the street and took off his pants. Emergency workers brought him to a local hospital for mental evaluation. No one was injured in the accident.

July 16th, 2007

When your penis has been cut off, it shouldn't be too tough to remember everything on the checklist of items to bring to the hospital. Sadly, it proved too long for one man in Thailand who forgot to bring his severed penis with him.

After 24-year-old Sornlam Yotbanya got into a fight last week with his wife, who was furious with him for cheating on her, he went to bed only to wake up a few hours later to find his significant other had sliced off his significant part. Sornlam rushed to the hospital, but was in such a hurry, he left his penis in his bedroom. Hospital officials sent a nurse to the house to pick up Sornlam's manhood. Unfortunately, the organ had been detached too long for doctors to re-attach it.

July 12th, 2007

Police in Cincinnati recently arrested a pair of delivery men on burglary charges after they sneaked back into a home to retrieve a TV after they realized they had delivered the wrong set to the house. When they realized their mistake, Alan Chambers and Stephen Turner removed an air conditioner from a window in order to enter the home and retrieve the set. They were caught and wound up behind bars.

July 11th, 2007

Cheeseburgers are off the menu in Minersville, Utah until further notice. Todd's Market, which is the town's only grocery store, was cleaned out of its beef and cheese Sunday after someone broke in and stole it all from the refrigerated section.Twenty-three-year-old Christopher Souda turned himself in Monday after committing the crime, which resulted in seven thousand dollars worth of food spoiling. Souda brought some of the items, as well as some cigarettes and beer, to a mobile home. The food he didn't take he inexplicably placed in the store's basemen, where it spoiled. Authorities have no idea what his motive was. Fortunately, Todd's Market is set to receive a new shipment of food today.

July 10th, 2007

Police in the German town of Kaiserslautern broke into a darkened apartment over the weekend after neighbors complained of a nasty smell seeping out onto the staircase. They thought they would find a dead body. The shutters of the apartment had been closed for more than a week and the mailbox was filled with uncollected mail. But instead of a corpse, police found a man with badly smelling feet asleep in bed next to a pile of foul-smelling laundry.

July 9th, 2007

While we all know smoking can ruin your lungs, who knew it could also destroy brain cells? Late last month, a man named Joel Zsebenazy stole a carton of cigarettes from a Walgreens drugstore in Niagara Falls, New York -- after he gave his driver's license to the cashier to confirm that he was old enough to buy the smokes. While the clerk studied the license, Zsebenazy picked up a carton of cigarettes and ran out of the store -- failing to leave any money, but also failing to take his license. Despite knowing his identity and his address, not to mention his eye color and whether or not he'll donate any organs, police have yet to catch Zsebenazy, who faces a petit larceny charge.

July 2nd, 2007

There's really no way to make it sound funnier than it is, so let's just come right out with it: a man beat up a peacock last Thursday because he thought the bird was a vampire. The man pummeled the peacock so badly it had to be put down. The incident took place at a Burger King parking lot in Staten Island, New York. he man spotted Dracula in disguise sitting on a car hood being fed by employees, so he grabbed it by the neck, tossed it on the ground, kicked and stomped it. When an employee asked what he was doing, the man responded, "I'm killing a vampire!" Employees called police, but the man ran away when he saw them approaching.

June 28th, 2007

You'd think guys wouldn't need to be warned about something as stupid as this, but health officials in Cambodia are advising men against a do-it-yourself penis enlargement treatment that involves hair tonic. Authorities say the warning comes on the heels of a case in which a man reportedly injected hair tonic into his own penis because the product promised thicker hair and he thought it would have the same effect on his organ. It didn't. Published reports say the side effects of the injections were so excruciating, the man hanged himself to stop the pain. A coroner was d as saying, "He wanted a bigger one very badly, and the results were tragic."

June 27th, 2007

Today's dumbasses are from China, where two burglars were arrested after they returned to the scene of a video game store break-in to see if their crime had been recorded by security cameras. The Huashang Morning News s one of the thieves as saying, "We made a bet about whether the shop had a security camera and decided to go back and check. We agreed that the loser had to treat the other to karaoke." When the pair showed up at the store one day after the burglary, an employee recognized them from a surveillance video of the break-in and called police.

June 26th, 2007

A 51-year-old British man is accused of having sex with his bicycle. The Sunday Mail newspaper reports Robert Stewart was staying at a hostel in the Scottish town of Ayr when two house cleaners walked into a bedroom and found Stewart naked from the waist down and engaged in simulated sex with his bike. The report says he continued his activities while the women looked on in shock. Police arrived and charged Stewart with disorderly conduct and indecent exposure. He denies the charge and says it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink. He has pleaded not guilty.

June 25th, 2007

Police in Tampa, Florida, arrested a man on murder charges Saturday night after he allegedly killed a man who interrupted his game of Yahtzee. Authorities say Mark Allen was playing Yahtzee with a woman in an apartment when her boyfriend showed up. The woman stopped playing and went into a bedroom with the boyfriend. Police say Allen became enraged while waiting to finish the game and barged into the bedroom minutes later and fatally stabbed the boyfriend twice in the lower abdomen.

June 22nd, 2007

A Romanian woman is facing a fine for reporting her car stolen when it wasn't. It all started with a pair of shoes. The woman drove to a shopping mall this week to buy shoes and was so excited about the bargain price she paid, she completely forgot about her car and walked home to test the shoes out. When she arrived home, she noticed her car wasn't there and called police to report it stolen. Twenty four hours later, it dawned on her that she had driven the car to the mall and accidentally left it there. She's facing a fine of 140 dollars for wasting police time.

June 21st, 2007

A Margate, England, man had to be freed by firemen after getting his penis stuck in a padlock. The man, in his 50s, turned up at his local fire station in Margate after a sex game went wrong. He was sent off to a hospital, but medics could do nothing. So he returned to the fire station. The key hole had been superglued so firemen had to use hydraulic cutters to release him. He was eventually freed after two-and-a-half hours.

June 20th, 2007

A 38-year-old Long Island man accidentally set fire to four cars over the weekend when he tried to steal gasoline from one of them by using a cordless power drill. Police in Suffolk County, New York say the man was using the drill to bore into the bottom of a gas tank of a car parked at a repair shop. He managed to escape unharmed when the fuel ignited, but he couldn't prevent the flames from destroying the car and three other vehicles. He was arrested on numerous charges, including petty larceny.

June 18th, 2007

A 73-year-old farmer in India is still a single man after failing to pass his high school exams -- for the 38th straight time. The farmer has sworn he won't marry until he passes the test normally given to 15-year-olds. He has failed the test every time he has attempted it since he decided to better himself since 1968. This year, he failed at every subject except Sanskrit. He believes the math portion of the latest test was especially difficult.

June 15th, 2007

Police in Wichita, Kansas arrested a man for marijuana possession Wednesday after they saved him from choking on a weed-filled bag swallowed in order to hide it from the officers. Cops stopped the 20-year-old driver and, as they approached the vehicle, they noticed he was choking on a small bag filled with marijuana. They performed the Heimlich maneuver, but when that didn't work one of the officers reached into the man's throat and, like a magician doing the ol' rabbit in a hat trick, he pulled the bag out of his throat. The driver was taken to the hospital before being booked.

June 14th, 2007

Adam Lundgren didn't have to be drunk to see double when the same cop ticketed him twice in the same day for drunken driving. Officer Cody Lanier first stopped the 42-year-old Lundgren on Monday at 5:30 p.m. in Missoula, Montana when he noticed him driving erratically. After a friend bailed him out of jail, Lundgren went for another drive around 10 p.m., but crashed into a bridge railing and was held by witnesses when he tried to run away.

Yup, it was Officer Lanier who showed up to re-acquaint himself with Lundgren, whom he once more cited for drunken driving, along with reckless driving and failing to heed a stop sign. He was bailed out again. But wait, the story gets better. As if you couldn't already tell, Lundgren proved once and for all he didn't know when to say when because he arrived drunk for his arraignment Tuesday and was placed in jail yet again.

June 13th, 2007

Teenagers should just say no to drugs and telemarketing. Police in Gulfport, Florida arrested a 14-year-old boy last Sunday after he dialed a phone number and offered to sell drugs to the person who answered, unaware that person was a police detective. Detective Matt Parks didn't reveal who he was, so he arranged a meeting to buy some pot and cocaine from the teen in a school parking lot. When the kid arrived, he was arrested. Authorities believe the boy dialed the number at random in the hopes he could find someone to buy his drugs.

June 12th, 2007

You know that feeling you get sometimes when you just know you forgot something, but you're not quite sure what it is? Well, a 42-year-old man in Sydney, Australia sure does. The man recently lost his finger in a bar brawl, but didn't realize it until he started walking home. The man was in the street when he looked down at his hand and noticed it was covered in blood, but missing one finger. He took himself to the hospital, while security guards at the bar found his finger and gave it to police, who handed it over to doctors treating the man. It's unclear if doctors were able to could re-attach the finger.

June 11th, 2007

Today's winner is Suzanne Butts of Marshalltown, Iowa. Police arrested the woman last week for stealing three rolls of toilet paper from the Marshall County Courthouse. A courthouse employee who caught Butts red-handed as she walked out of a storeroom called police, who arrested her. Authorities have long suspected someone had been swiping toilet paper from the courthouse, but no one could ever prove it before Butts' arrest. Because of prior convictions, Butts is now looking at three years in the slammer for stealing the toilet paper. In addition to her toiler paper caper, Butts was arrested last week for stealing 30 dollars from a relative.

June 8th, 2007

A 47-year-old man was charged with disorderly conduct and criminal threatening Tuesday night for standing on a street corner in Howland, Maine and menacing passing motorists with a chainsaw. Deputy Sheriff Michael Knights says the man kept raising the chainsaw over his head and revving it. He also took time to prune a few nearby shrubs. Police say Lionel Dube was disarmed at gunpoint a short time later. The deputy summed up the incident by saying, "Alcohol was involved."

June 7th, 2007

Criminals usually don't like to return to the scene of the crime, but they do when they leave something valuable behind. Like one of their fingers. Police in Berlin, Germany say a thief tried to break into a city museum late Tuesday, but fled after setting off the alarm and alerting guards. While fleeing, he scampered over a 10-foot fence and got snagged by a ring on one of his fingers. He managed to free himself by -- brace yourself -- tearing off the finger. The suspect was arrested a short time later when he went back to retrieve the severed digit, which doctors were unable to reattach

June 6th, 2007

Today's "winners" are two armed suspects from Downey, California who robbed a restaurant before one accidentally shot himself during the escape. Police say the men held up the place with a revolver. They demanded the money, and the cashier handed them the register drawer. When trying to leave, they had trouble with the door. The suspects ran into each other, and one man accidentally shot himself with the weapon. They managed to escape on foot, and police have no suspects.

June 5th, 2007

A 43-year-old German man is in critical condition after tumbling over a second floor balcony during a spitting contest with his son. Authorities in the town of Cottbus say the man lost his balance when he leaned forward in an attempt to outspit his 12-year-old son. He landed on a first floor balcony.

June 4th, 2007

A Ohio man was arrested for drunk driving with a golf cart last week while on his way home from a friend's wedding. Police in Valley City say 29-year-old Jeremy Clary had spent the day golfing and drinking, and decided to drive the golf cart eight miles to his pal's nuptials. He made it to the wedding, but was pulled over by cops on his way home. Clary told police he thought he was okay because the cart didn't go any faster than 10 miles-per-hour.

June 1st, 2007

It's safe to say drugs have ruined Omar Garza's ability to think on his feet. When police in Goliad, Texas found cocaine in the 35-year-old Garza's car last Saturday, he told them it was a graduation present for his son. Cops, of course, didn't buy the excuse and arrested him. He eventually admitted the drugs were for him. Officers had initially pulled Garza over for speeding.

May 31st, 2007

In Boca Raton, Florida, an angry motorist, who was riding with his girlfriend, decided to take it upon himself to pull over another discourteous motorist and pretend to be an off -duty sheriff's deputy. However, while all this was going down, a real police officer showed up and revealed that not only was the "deputy" not a real cop, he was also not a he but a she! Apparently 21-year-old Rachel Otto wore her hair short on top and shaved on the sides and also liked to pass herself off as a man. This came as a huge shock to the girlfriend riding in the car with Rachel who apparently had no idea she was dating another woman. Police later discovered Miss Otto's rap sheet included nine arrests for impersonating police officers.

May 29th, 2007

Police in Ontario, Canada are looking for a man exhibiting some nutty behavior. Over the last two months, three women in the town of Guelph (gwelf) have gone to the cops to report a man has approached them on separate occasions and asked them to kick him in the groin. None of the women said they suffered any injuries during the encounters. While authorities say the man's unusual request isn't illegal, they are concerned because his actions could lead to sexual assault.

May 24th, 2007

A man in Brooklyn, New York needs some serious help with his résumé. The unidentified man was arrested for robbing thousands of dollars in jewelry and other items from a home Sunday after police found his résumé, which he left at the house. The résumé appeared on a disc the robber failed to take with him after committing the crime. Police also found a set of keys the robber left behind at the scene.

May 23rd, 2007

An American tourist taking in the sights of Germany proved to be quite a sight himself Monday. The man walked naked through Nuremberg, Germany. When stopped, he told police he stripped down to his birthday suit because he thought it was perfectly okay to do that in Germany. The man had been strolling around with his clothes tucked away in a bag when cops stopped following complaints from others. Germany does allow people to sunbathe naked, but officials said walking around nude is not acceptable. The man must pay a 270-dollar fine.

May 22nd, 2007

A pair of teenagers in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina must've gone off the deep end this past Saturday. How else to explain the crazy idea to return to the hotel pool where they robbed three people at gunpoint just 15 hours before? The suspects committed the crime Saturday around 2 a.m, making off with cell phones, purses, wallets and cash. They even pistol-whipped one of their victims. Later that same day, around 5 p.m., the thieves obviously needed some time to relax because their victims spotted them hanging out at the same pool and called police, who showed up to arrest the teens. In addition to armed robbery, one of the suspects was also charged with marijuana possession.

May 21st, 2007

In Onslow County, N.C., a woman went to the sheriff's office and turned herself in for robbing a bank, then asked to claim the reward money being offered in the case.

May 18th, 2007

The National Weather Service Thursday issued the following forecast for the Midwest -- temperatures and precipitation have an equal chance of being above or below normal in June. The weather service said the pattern of sometimes hot, sometimes cold, sometimes dry, sometimes rainy could last in the Midwest through August. The National Weather Service put itself further out on a limb when it said the West and East coasts could expect either above normal or below normal precipitation in June.

May 17th, 2007

A Happy Meal from McDonald's took on a whole new meaning for an Illinois family who found a bag of pot along with a pipe in their order. The family ordered the meal from the drive-thru in the town of Ottawa on Monday and an eight-year-old girl found the drugs. Police say a 17-year-old who worked at the restaurant admitted to hiding his stash in an empty Happy Meal box and it somehow ended up in the girl's lap. The teen is facing drug possession charges.

May 16th, 2007

When you want a beer -- you want a beer. A man who robbed a bank was quickly apprehended -- when he went across the street to have a beer. According to police, James Taylor, 40, walked into a Bank of America branch located inside a Publix supermarket and showed the teller a note and a gun, concealed inside a newspaper. After getting the money, the robber was apparently very thirsty, because he drove across the parking lot, changed his shirt, and went into a restaurant for a beer. But his actions did not go unnoticed. Bank customer Aldolfo Flores watched Taylor drive his van to the restaurant and alerted police. "He actually pulled into Giovanni's and parked and put another shirt on, buttoned up and walked in and had a beer, like nothing ever happened," Flores said.Taylor was arrested soon afterward

May 15th, 2007

Police in Cincinnati had no problem tracking down the thief who robbed and assaulted at least two workers at a KFC outlet this past Saturday -- the robber dropped his wallet while fleeing the scene. The wallet had more than enough clues to the thief's identity, including a photo I.D., a Social Security card and a birth certificate. Police have charged 42-year-old Nathan McFarland with several counts of armed robbery.

May 14th, 2007

A Bulgarian woman had her new driver's license suspended for drunk driving last week -- three hours after passing her road test and celebrating the event by going to a bar with her driving instructor.Published reports from Sofia, Bulgaria say the 23-year-old woman was charged with drunken driving after she was pulled over and a breathalyzer test showed she was three times over the legal limit. The woman said she promised to buy the instructor a drink after she got her license and they both ended up enjoying several glasses of wine. She was giving the driving instructor a ride home when she was pulled over by police.

The instructor was also three times over the legal limit. Police suspended his driver's license as well and also suspended his business permit to operate a driving school.

May 11th, 2007

A man in Malmo, Sweden made a flame attempt to get rid of his neighbors. The 41-year-old man is currently on trial for arson after he set his apartment on fire in the hopes it wound ruin his neighbors' apartment because he didn't approve of how they used the building's laundry room. After setting the fire, the man kicked his neighbors' front door and hit it with a hammer. The man's plan didn't work, though. His neighbors called for help and the flames were extinguished before they spread to other residences. The man had been engaged in an ongoing dispute after he accused them of failing to clean out the dryer filter in the laundry room when they did their wash. He also said they would leave their clothing in the dryer after the machine finished running.

May 10th, 2007

In Holiday, Florida, when a van plowed into the bathroom of a house at 1:34 a.m., residents watched the van's driver flee across their front lawn -- leaving behind one of his shoes. The Florida Highway Patrol was investigating the crash about an hour later when 43-year-old John Glen Aquista walked up to the scene with blood on his face, wearing boxer shorts and missing a shoe. When a trooper asked him to try the shoe on, "it was a perfect fit." He's been arrested.

May 9th, 2007

Today's doofus walked into a gas station in Orange County, Fla., pulled out an AK-47 rifle and demanded money and cigarettes from the clerk. When the suspect fled the scene, however, he left behind his rifle case, which contained a receipt for the firearm with his name and address on it. Police officers went to the suspect's home, where the money, cigarettes and rifle were recovered and he was arrested.

May 7th, 2007

A man who spent 85 straight hours riding a stationary bike in a health club in January won't make it into the Guinness Book of World Records because the people keeping tabs on his progress messed up the math. George Hood received the bad news in an e-mail Guinness sent him late last month. Hood rode the bike 85 consecutive hours, which covered nearly 11 hundred miles. He thought he toppled the world record of 82 hours in a row on a stationary bike, but his efforts were all for naught because the 40 volunteers tracking his quest made addition and subtraction mistakes and failed to properly read a 24-hour clock. Even though Guinness rejected his marathon exercise session, Hood did raise almost 30 thousand dollars for a charity that helps families of slain police officers. Despite the setback, Hood plans to get right back on the bike, literally. He says he will take another crack at the world record by biking in place for 101 straight hours in July.

May 2nd, 2007

A DUI suspect caused over a $1,000 worth of damage to a Savage, Minnesotta police car with his forehead. Police say Joe Cummings, 36, smashed his head repeatedly into the hood of the patrol car after being arrested on suspicion of DUI Saturday night. “He broke free, he bolted and lunged himself head first onto the hood of the squad car and then began to ram his face repeatedly with a great amount of force into the hood,” Capt. David Muelken of the Savage police department said. Cummings’ wife said her husband had lost his job earlier that day. She said he did the same thing in Chaska when he was pulled over for a DUI there.

May 1st, 2007

A Columbus, Ohio, man was arrested for aggravated robbery and kidnapping Sunday after he robbed a man of his wallet and car keys, but forgot to take the victim's cell phone before dumping him in the trunk of his car. The victim called police from inside the trunk and described the vehicle while the robber drove it around town. Police spotted the car and arrested 20-year-old Martino Williamson.

April 30th, 2007

Police in Germany had no problem locating the man who stole a cell phone the other day -- they just dialed the number and asked where he lived so they could deliver a case of free beer he had just won. Authorities say the man was excited about his good luck and gladly gave police his home address. He was arrested a short time later.

April 25th, 2007

A Bridgeport, Connecticut, man looking to trade in a Jeep traded in his freedom, instead. Police arrested 29-year-old Jazrahel King last Saturday after he tried to trade in a Jeep to the same dealership he stole it from one month ago. A manager at Wholesalers of America dealership recognized the 2003 Jeep Liberty that King brought in as the one that had been stolen in March. His trade-in attempt was boneheaded enough, but King could've at least been more thorough before driving to the dealership. Police say the Jeep's key was on a key ring issued by the dealership and the temporary license plate, as well as documents in the glove compartment, proved the dealership owned it. King had stopped in at the dealership last month to test drive some cars, but when his credit report showed a few problems, the staff told him he couldn't take any of the vehicles out for a spin. The manager said King stole the Jeep because the key was in the ignition, waiting for another customer to take it for a test drive.

April 24th, 2007

A man walked into London's Zizzi restaurant Sunday and sliced off his penis in front of shocked customers. Published reports say the man rushed into the restaurant, walked straight into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and then jumped onto a table in the dining room. He pulled down his pants and -- whack! -- he cut off his penis as horrified patrons looked on. The man was brought to a hospital. He's listed in stable condition, although it's unclear if doctors managed to re-attach the organ.

April 23rd, 2007

A Canadian man was arrested after he was found walking around naked with a swastika taped to his body to mark Adolf Hitler's birthday, police said on Friday. Police officers in Nanaimo, British Columbia, said they were called to the scene by concerned residents. The man told them he was "honoring Hitler's birthday". He was detained and would undergo a psychiatric assessment Hitler was born April 20, 1889. "Although the swastika symbol causes some concern and is usually associated with hate and the Nazi regime, in this instance this male posed no threat to the community," said police.

April 20th, 2007

Police in Pomona, California, arrested two men this week after they mistakenly dialed 911 while trying to contact their drug dealer. Authorities say the two dialed 911 from a pay phone around 3 a.m. Tuesday and were arrested when officers arrived at the scene and found burglary tools in their vehicle, which happened to be stolen. Police say the men admitted to investigators they dialed 911 by mistake because they were in urgent need of some dope.

April 19th, 2007

An Alabama man was jailed for contempt of court Monday when he showed up for a DUI hearing intoxicated. Autauga County authorities say a judge ordered a breathalyzer test when 61-year-old David Milam arrived at 10 a.m. and appeared to be under the influence. Court records show he had a blood alcohol reading of .27, more than three times the legal limit of .08. By comparison, when Milam was charged with DUI five weeks ago, he had a blood alcohol reading of .22.

April 18th, 2007

It happens every Spring. The flowers bloom, the grass grows and the drunks start taking their riding lawnmowers for a spin down the road. This time it was in West Monroe, Louisiana where police arrested a West Monroe man for driving a lawn mower while intoxicated over the weekend. Ouachita Parish sheriff's deputies booked Larry Minniefield on one count of driving while under the influence of alcohol and driving an unsafe vehicle. The 48-year-old man was later freed on $650 bond after he was booked into Ouachita Correctional Center. The matter came into picture when deputies were working another complaint Friday night and noticed Minniefield drive by on a John Deere lawnmower. Minniefield was seen driving the lawnmower again after a short time later and appeared to under the influence of alcohol while driving in the middle of the road.

April 17th, 2007

A 19-year-old German man survived a heavy night of drinking and a heavy train this past weekend when a locomotive ran over him and left him unscathed. Police in Cologne say the drunken man was sleeping on a station platform when an arriving train startled him awake and he rolled onto the tracks. The engineer told police the man landed exactly between the two tracks and he emerged unaided and unhurt from under the engine when the train came to a halt. He was taken to the hospital for observation.

April 16th, 2007

In DeQueen, Ark., a man who was arrested for DUI and identified himself as his brother, seeking to keep the arrest off his record, then called the same brother to come down to the police station to bail him out.

April 13th, 2007

A German truck driver accidentally set fire to his cab this week after he decided to cook sausages while driving. Published reports say the driver told police he normally only uses his small propane stove at rest stops, but he decided to cook while driving because he was late with a delivery. He was cooking two sausages when the stove tipped over and set fire to the seat. The entire cab erupted in flames moments after he stopped the truck. Authorities say the driver was treated for smoke inhalation and cited for DUI after police discovered that in addition to being hungry, he was three times over the legal alcohol limit.

April 12th, 2007

The British towns of Dartmoor and Exmoor wanted an event that would bring tourists back to the area following the country's hoof-and-mouth disease crisis several years ago. They decided to have a classical music festival. Penny Adie, the festival's artistic director, spent two years fundraising to buy a $90,000 Bosendorfer grand piano for the festival. She was so excited that she took pictures of the piano's delivery on Tuesday. So she was able to capture on film the moment when the delivery truck drivers accidentally dropped the piano off the back of the truck onto the pavement, and then it rolled down a small hill. Although the full extent of the damage is not yet known, the piano is believe to be totaled.

April 10th, 2007

Just four days after he robbed $400 from a Miami, Florida, Wendy's restaurant, Jean Belony returned to the scene of the crime only to have the cashier recognize him as the criminal who stole from the restaurant. According to police, Belony jumped through the drive-thru window of the Wendy's on March 22nd. Wearing a bandanna to cover his face and armed with a gun, he forced employees to open up the safe and made off with the cash. While he committed the crime, Belony's bandanna kept falling off, revealing a very recognizable tattoo of a tear on his cheek. The cashier remembered the tattoo last Monday when the robber returned to buy some food. Belony began arguing with the cashier about the amount of change he received. It was during the argument that the cashier recognized him as the man that robbed the restaurant just a few days before and called police.

April 9th, 2007

A cuckolded husband is half the man he used to be today. Kuwait's Al-Qabas newspaper says a 29-year-old Indian cut off his penis after he learned his wife wanted to divorce him so she could marry another man. The husband received the news in a letter his wife sent to him in Kuwait from back home in India. The man went to the hospital, but doctors couldn't put his unit back.

April 6th, 2007

People make fun of the British for not visiting the dentist, but it turns out they just might have a pretty good reason. A medical tribunal on the other side of the pond found 51-year-old dentist Alan Hutchinson guilty yesterday of urinating in his surgery sink and cleaning his fingernails with tools meant for patients. The tribunal revoked Hutchinson's dental license. A nurse who spent 16 years working for Hutchinson turned him in. She testified she caught him relieving himself in the sink several times. Hutchinson also reportedly didn't wear gloves and even worse, if that's possible, he never washed his hands after he peed before returning to work on his patients

April 5th, 2007

The bizarre animal smuggling continues. Now a Croatian man has been caught trying to smuggle 175 chameleons from Thailand. Dragos Radovic, 25, was arrested at Zagreb airport when customs officers noticed the top of a bag he was carrying appeared to be moving. When they asked him to open up his luggage they found the endangered reptiles. Radovic said: "The man who sold them said they changed color to make themselves invisible against any background, but it did not work."

April 4th, 2007

Look, if you don't want to go in to work, you fake the flu, call in sick, but do not do what 26-year-old Brandy Killin of Kearney, Nebraska did. She allegedly called First National Omaha, the credit card service center where she works and phoned in a bomb threat. She got out of work that day but now faces a felony charge of threatening to use an explosive -- a charge that could get her five years in prison. She has worked at the company for only three months.

April 3rd 2007

A road trip can bring a family together, but one Portland, Oregon man was afraid it would bring his family too close together. Police arrested a man Saturday after he put two of his kids in the trunk of his car because the vehicle was too small to hold the entire family he was taking on vacation. Cops hauled 40-year-old Douglas Willy to jail after they were tipped off by someone who spotted the family at a gas station. Willy, his fiancée and their four kids were in the car, heading for a vacation. He stuffed two of the children -- a 12-year-old and a 13-year-old -- in the trunk so they wouldn't have to take a second car. The kids had been riding in the trunk for roughly 20 miles.

April 2nd, 2007

A few cabbies in the Mexican city of Tapachula have found a novel way of making sure passengers don't pay attention to how poorly they drive. On Friday, police arrested three taxi drivers for showing pornographic movies in their cabs. Cops busted the drivers after a woman complained when she took a taxi with her six-year-old son and the driver popped in a skin flick. It's not clear where exactly the movies were being shown in the cabs.

March 29th, 2007

A Scottish motorcyclist who posted a video on YouTube of him doing wheelies and racing at 170 miles an hour has been tracked down by police and charged with reckless driving. BBC News reports Edinburgh police investigators analyzed the YouTube video and pinpointed the location and the identity of the 34-year-old man. A police inspector told the BBC the man's decision to post footage of him breaking the law on a Web site was a,"sure-fire way of getting caught."

March 28th, 2007

A Washington state man has been charged with burglary and theft after police found almost 100 pounds of women's bras and panties in his home. Investigators in Pullman, Washington say 24-year-old Garth Flaherty stole as many as 15 hundred undergarments from laundry rooms of apartment complexes before he was caught this past Saturday. Police Commander Chris Tennant said there was enough women's underwear in Flaherty's bedroom to fill five garbage bags. Commander Tennant said the suspect admitted to police that he, , "had a problem." Police will use underwear descriptions provided by female victims to tie Flaherty to 12 thefts

March 26th, 2007

There's nothing like the love shared by a man and his money. A man from Plano, Texas reportedly sent his pet male monkey a sexually explicit audio tape while the creature was staying with animal services after they confiscated him last month, along with other animals the man illegally kept in his house. Bobby Denton Crawford Jr. made several visits to the Rhesus Macaque Monkey, named Darwin, and dropped off a box of toys during one trip. According to the Plano Star-Courier, one box contained a tape Crawford made for Darwin in which he,"made references to Darwin and himself engaging in mutual stimulation." Crawford told police he has had Darwin for eight years. Along with Darwin, authorities took six piranhas, an alligator and a tarantula from Crawford's home. In Darwin's case, officials say a monkey like him poses a dangerous because he can easily tear into people's faces with his sharp teeth. On Friday, Crawford got Darwin back after he agreed to move to a town where it's legal to keep him. It's not clear if the other animals will be returned to Crawford.

March 23rd, 2007

It's when kids DON'T do their homework they usually get in trouble. An 18-year-old high school student from Framingham, Massachusetts has been charged with disorderly conduct after he scared an 85-year-old woman Monday by ringing her doorbell while wearing a frightening Halloween mask to see how she would react as part of a sociology assignment. When the woman opened the door and saw David Goodhue standing there like a villain out of a horror movie, she screamed for help. For his sociology class, Goodhue had to record how people react to unusual situations, so he decided to go trick-or-treating. However, he told his teacher he planned to get dressed as Spider-Man. Authorities say Goodhue did not properly follow directions because students were not supposed to frighten anyone. Goodhue must write a letter of apology to the woman and to his teacher, who had to go to the police station to vouch for his experiment

March 22nd, 2007

The American Express card -- never leave someone else's home without it. Police in Germany said yesterday they arrested a burglar who left his credit card outside a neighbor's apartment he was trying to break into by using the card. The man split the card in two while he attempted to jimmy open a lock, but he ran away when the apartment owner woke up. Unfortunately, the Mastercard moron forgot to take both halves of the card with him. The owner found the half with the name and account number, so he called police, who easily tracked down the bumbling crook at his apartment, where they also discovered the other half of the credit card.

March 21st, 2007

A Sacramento, California man has done the impossible by making people feel sorry for car salesmen. Police arrested 30-year-old Pete Bo Sizelove on Saturday after he tried to break into a car he wanted to buy using a crowbar, Samurai sword and a sledge hammer.Sizelove was at a Lincoln Mercury dealership hoping to purchase a 20 thousand-dollar Chrysler by getting seven thousand dollars for a trade-in and writing an IOU for another 13 thousand dollars. Not surprisingly, the sales manager nixed that idea, so Sizelove walked out to his car and returned with his weapons. He tried to break into the vehicle with the crowbar and then jumped onto the roof while clutching the sword and sledge hammer. Cops were called in and arrested him

March 19th, 2007

A Polish man put his manhood to the test -- and lost. Following his wife's decision to leave him, the 40-year-old man, named Tadeus Konopizc, recently cut off his penis and testicles after he drank several bottles of vodka. Despite performing the homemade surgery, he somehow summoned the strength to call for help. He was airlifted to a hospital, but doctors could not re-attach the genitalia. Surgeons now plan to create a new tool kit for Tadeus using tissue from other parts of his body.

March 15th, 2007

Police in Titusville, Florida, arrested a teenager Tuesday after he returned to a house he had just robbed to retrieve his cell phone he left behind. Eighteen-year-old Garrett Nichols fled the house after a neighbor who spotted him committing the robbery called police. When cops showed up they found Nichols' cell phone, so they sat tight and sure enough, a half-hour later, he returned for his phone. Police had been looking for Nichols, anyway, for robbing another house in the area. He has since confessed to robbing a total of four houses in the town over the last several days.

March 14th, 2007

Korey Chafin enjoyed robbing a Subway restaurant so much, he decided to go back for more money. Police in Helena, Montana, arrested the 19-year-old Chafin last week for robbing a Subway restaurant where he later got a part-time job. Chafin held up the eatery last May and started working there this past December. It's unclear who put two and two together to rat out Chafin, who has confessed to the robbery.

March 13th, 2007

A California burglar was arrested early Saturday morning after a woman woke up in her Costa Mesa home and found the guy naked and sound asleep on her couch. Police officials tell the Orange County Register the man apparently broke into the woman's home, took his clothes off and snuggled up on her couch with a blanket. Sgt. Matt Grimmold of the Costa Mesa Police Department said, "The two did not appear to know each other." Police have charged 36-year-old Michael Bonnie with residential burglary and indecent exposure.

March 12th, 2007

Drug test results haven't been released yet, but police in Colorado Springs say the man who dialed 911 last Thursday and taunted officers for three hours before being caught was, "obviously high on something."Authorities say 21-year-old Alexander Craig called 911 and told the operator, "I'm hammered...come get me." Police say Craig gave the operator his name, a description of his car and even clues about where he was, but cops still couldn't find him. Craig dialed 911 about ten times and taunted the police when they still couldn't locate him. Craig finally decided to find the cops and pulled up in front of a group of squad cars before speeding off down the street. He was apprehended and subdued with a stun gun when his car broke down. He's being held on suspicion of vehicular eluding DUI and resisting arrest

March 9th, 2007

A German man is hospitalized in serious condition after his car exploded in flames when he tried to siphon gas out of it with a vacuum cleaner. His mistake in using a vacuum cleaner had been preceded by his mistake in filling his diesel fuel-only car with unleaded gas. Published reports say 25-year-old Joergen Mueller stuck a garden hose into the gas tank and connected it to the vacuum cleaner. The gasoline exploded when it reached the vacuum. Mueller's buddy, who was holding the hose, was also injured. Authorities say Mueller faces charges of criminal negligence and causing bodily harm to his pal.

March 7th, 2007

Police in Stevens Point, Wisconsin, had no trouble arresting a man for trying to break into a church this week -- he called them for help. Published reports say officers arrived at St. Paul's Lutheran Church to find the 24-year-old man trying to break through the doors with a shovel. The man reportedly told officers he called because he was getting married in the church and needed help getting in. There was no wedding taking place at the church. Cops found marijuana on the man during a search and found an additional stash of drugs a short time later, after he invited officers back to his house.

March 5th, 2007

A Miami developer given public funds to build offices for the county's housing agency instead took the money...to buy a sculpture of a watermelon. Raul Masdival was arrested after he turned himself in Friday. Masdival was given millions of dollars for the office project, but he used 150 thousand dollars to purchase a sculpture of a partially eaten slice of watermelon.

March 1st, 2007

If you're going to get arrested and have a record, at least make it worthwhile. In Des Moines, Iowa, police recently detained James Clay after a convenience store clerk accused him of putting two hot dogs inside a bun and covering them with enough condiments so that the clerk would think he was buying only one dog.

February 28th, 2007

Today's dumb theft story comes from Mungallala, Australia, where three teenagers broke into a sawmill to steal gasoline and accidentally set fire to the place when they lit a match to see how much gas they had transferred into a container. Police say the sawmill erupted in flames and was completely destroyed. The three teenagers escaped serious injury and were caught a short time later.

February 27th, 2007

Police in Rogersville, Tennessee, arrested a woman earlier this month for riding a bike while drunk...a stationary bike. Court TV reports a police officer was summoned to the Gold Star Fitness gym where he noticed Rhonda Sue Solomon appeared to be intoxicated on a stationary bike. The officer said the 43-year-old Solomon was very uncooperative and smelled of alcohol. The officer said Solomon, appeared to be having trouble pedaling." The officer placed her under arrest when he asked her to step away from the bike and noticed she was unsteady on her feet. She's charged with public intoxication.

February 26th, 2007

A 38-year-old Romanian woman needed medical attention last week after she accidentally swallowed her lover's false teeth during a passionate kiss. Published reports from Romania say a hospital X-ray showed the false teeth in the woman's stomach. Doctors decided to let nature take its course. After two days in the hospital, the woman passed the choppers.

February 23rd, 2007

Getting into a hot nightclub can be difficult at times but officials in Oregon say a man tried a little too hard to join the crowd when he called for 911 emergency assistance. Edgar Dieguez-Lopez allegedly called 911 last Friday night when he was denied entry to the Caribe Dance Club in Beaverton. Police say he told the dispatcher his emergency was that he was turned away in his efforts to get into the club. The operator then asked him why he needed to get in and he replied by saying he wanted to dance. Employees with the dance club say they wouldn't let Dieguez-Lopez inside because he was drunk. Dieguez-Lopez is charged with abusing 911 and cocaine possession.

February 22nd, 2007

A couple in St. Paul, Minnesota has learned not to trust the Midas touch. The couple was recently arrested after an employee at a Midas muffler shop helped cops find more than 150 pounds of marijuana in the gas tank of their truck. Not surprisingly, the couple, who claimed they were driving from Yakima, Washington to Chicago, went to Midas because they were having gas problems in their vehicle. The mechanic who checked it out noticed some strange marks on the gas tank and called police, who found a secret compartment containing the secret stash. Authorities say the drugs probably combined with the fuel to cause the vehicle's trouble. They also found the couple had been traveling with 700 thousand Mexican pesos, which is worth about 64 thousand dollars

February 21st, 2007

A collegiate hockey player sure knows how to put the slap in a slap shot. A goalie on the University of Southern California's hockey team mooned the crowd, slapped his tush and rode his stick like a horse during a game over the weekend in North Logan, Utah. Mickey Meyer pulled the stunt during a break in his team's game against Brigham Young University. Not only did refs throw Meyer out of the game, but he also received a ticket for lewdness. Meyer decided to drop trou while referees discussed what penalties to hand out during the third period of USC's 6-4 loss. Meyer said he had had enough of the referees. If prosecutors elect to press charges, Meyer could end up in a legal penalty box -- he'll face six months in jail

February 20th, 2007

19-year-old college student Cory Shapiro was recently arrested in Athens, Georgia, after-- in his infinite wisdom-- he flagged down a police officer to complain that he had been overcharged for drinks at a bar called Bourbon Street. After the officer asked for his I.D. -- Cory was arrested for underage drinking!

February 16th, 2007

19-year-old Nicholas Raber was recently arrested in Annapolis, Maryland, after he stupidly punched a police officer and then dashed up a flight of stairs and yelled, "You'll never catch me." The statement proved to be not very prophetic as the officers below were well aware that all the upstairs exits were locked and so just waited patiently for dumb Nick to come back down and be handcuffed. (Baltimore Sun)

February 15th, 2007

Cops in Buckinghamshire, England, probably wish all their burglary cases were so easy to solve. They cracked the case of a thief who broke into a home to steal antiques recently because the suspect left his cell phone behind -- with his photo on it. The suspect told police he had lost the phone and someone else must've been using it, but investigators dismissed that claim after finding all the stolen items in his house. George Burden, 44, was sentenced to 160 hours of community service.

February 14th, 2007

Police in Dennis, Massachusetts, had no problem tracking down an assault and battery suspect who was hiding in the woods the other night -- they just called his cell phone and let the ringing lead them to him. Authorities say 42-year-old Eric Nolan kept silencing the calls by sending them to voice-mail instead of shutting off the phone. Cops kept re-dialing and found Nolan hiding in the woods about 50 yards from his girlfriend's condo. Nolan was arrested for attacking his girlfriend and threatening her guests

February 13th, 2007

A German hunter shot and killed a wild pig in a community laundry room this week, but not before he also shot up a washing machine, a clothes dryer and a wall. Published reports from Saxony say the wild pig somehow got into the wash room and began tearing the place apart in an effort to escape. The hunter showed up and fired numerous shots with a .357 Magnum, striking the wall and various laundry appliances, before he finally killed the animal.

February 12th, 2007

Today's dumbass comes from Fairmount, Illinois, where a masked man walked into a branch of the Illinois National Bank and walked out moments later when no one believed he was a bank robber. The News-Gazette newspaper reports the masked man walked into the bank Friday afternoon with a black bag in his hand and announced a hold-up. He ordered everybody to get down and said he had a bomb. Vermilion County Sheriff Pat Hartshorn said bank employees didn't believe the man and simply ignored him. The bank robber turned around and left empty-handed. He was last seen walking down the street

February 9th, 2007

27-year-old James Lane III was arrested in Carrboro, North Carolina, after police chased him, in his car and later on foot. They finally tackled him about 20 feet into a wooded area and recovered a white plastic bag containing a pound of marijuana. But James told the arresting officers that someone must have left the bag on the ground at precisely the spot in the woods where they tackled him because he had never seen it before.

February 8th, 2007

An Albany, N.Y. man is accused of taking off his clothes while skiing at Vermont's Stratton Mountain Resort in December. A witness told police that 46-year-old William N. Barrett III was fully nude and touching himself inappropriately while riding a ski gondola up a mountain. Barrett pleaded innocent to a felony count of lewd and lascivious conduct and a misdemeanor count of marijuana. He faces more than five years in prison or $800 in fines if convicted. As they were arresting him, police found a black pouch in Barrett's pocket containing a glass pipe, lighter and film canister with marijuana in it, according to court documents. When police asked him what was in the pouch, Barrett allegedly replied, "More trouble."

February 7th, 2007

When you're tired, you sometimes do dumb things. Case in point: a Japanese man who recently stole a police car told officers he did it because he was too tired to walk home. The man found the vehicle idling outside a post office, where cops were inside investigating another matter. The man said he was walking by, but was so tired he decided to hop in the car to drive himself home. Officers found him 15 minutes later, when they saw the car in the driveway of a house, about two-and-a-half miles from the scene of the crime

February 6th, 2007

It's not a stretch to say a Croatian man was pee-oh'd when an ATM took his bank card and never gave it back. Police in the city of Split recently arrested 51-year-old Vladimir Mesic for urinating on an ATM after it failed to return his card. Mesic, who was drunk at the time, jumped onto a trash can, pulled down his pants and whizzed all over the ATM. That's when police showed up and arrested him. Mesic said he chose his form of expression to show how angry he was.

February 2nd, 2007

A doctor has pleaded guilty to stealing a severed hand from a cadaver at a New Jersey medical school and giving it to a stripper. Authorities say Dr. Ahmed Rashed stole the hand in 2002 and gave it as a gift to the stripper, who kept it in a jar of formaldehyde in her apartment. Police found the hand recently during an unrelated investigation. Dr. Rashed, who now practices medicine in Los Angeles, faces five years probation.

February 1st, 2007

Today's "drunk driver shows up drunk for a DUI hearing" story comes from Brisbane, Australia, where a 54-year-old woman arrived at a courthouse so wasted, she registered a blood alcohol level more than five times the legal limit. Authorities say it was easy to spot the drunken woman arriving for her hearing -- she crashed her vehicle into a row of parked cars outside the courthouse. She was released on bail after being charged with a second DUI, but was jailed later in the day when she was caught driving under the influence for a third time.

January 31st, 2007

A 51-year-old Iowa man was charged with drunken driving last Sunday after he drove his SUV onto the ice-covered Mississippi River to do "doughnuts" and sank in four feet of water when the ice cracked. Authorities say Steven Parker drove his SUV off a boat ramp near the town of Sabula and was about 30 feet from shore when the ice broke. Parker's 28-year-old son, Steve Jr., went along for the ride. Both made it safely back to shore

January 30th, 2007

It's time for Clenzo Thompson to find a new line of work. Thompson was arrested earlier this month for robbing the same bank twice in three days and having a dye pack explode in his face both times. Authorities in Brooklyn, New York, say Thompson collected more than 23 hundred dollars and an exploding dye pack in the first hold-up January 12th. When he returned three days later, he made off with about 17 hundred dollars and a second exploding dye pack. It blew up in his face inside the cab he used as a getaway car. Fingerprints at the bank led to his arrest. Three years ago, Thompson robbed another bank, but got caught when he left an ID card at the scene.

January 29th, 2007

Police in Fargo, North Dakota, received a 911 call early Friday morning from a man who was trapped on top of a moving freight train. The man told police he tried to climb over a freight train while it was stopped at a crossing, but ended up going for a ride when the train started moving before he was able to climb down the other side. He rode on top of the train for about 25 miles before he dialed 911 and told police he was cold and wanted to get off. The train was stopped and he was taken off. Police said the man, who was drunk, was transported to a local detox center.

January 26th, 2007

A jail sentence of up to three decades is facing a Michigan man who says female mannequins sexually arouse him. Ronald Dotson of Detroit was arrested last year after smashing a store front window that contained a mannequin dressed as a French maid. His arrest came just a few days after he was paroled for the sixth time on a similar conviction. In one of his previous arrests he was nabbed in an alley behind a women's clothing store with three mannequins dressed in lingerie. Dotson admits to having a fetish for the female mannequins and was sentenced yesterday to 18 months to 30 years behind bars. The judge ruled that his behavior puts fear into the community even though he never assaulted a person.

January 25th, 2007

Four police officers, a bridge tender and two good Samaritans had to rescue a man who jumped off the Sea Bright-Rumson Bridge in Sea Bright, New Jersey, to impress a woman on their second date. Police say Adam Koppel fell 20 to 30 feet into the frigid Shrewsbury River early Saturday. Police charged the 25-year-old with disorderly conduct. The woman he was with said there wouldn't be a third date.

January 24th, 2007

A Wurtsboro Hills, New York man has given new meaning to the term "burnout." Twenty-eight-year-old Patrick Jones started a fire in his oven Sunday morning when he tried to dry out over a pound of marijuana. Firefighters arrived to put out the fire and police showed up to arrest him. Jones was charged with second-degree criminal possession of marijuana, fourth-degree arson and misdemeanor possession of a weapon, since cops also found illegal metal knuckles in the home

January 23rd, 2007

Beating up landscaping is, well, bush league. Police in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina arrested a 22-year-old man Saturday after they spotted him, "in a physical confrontation with shrubs." Officers approached the man after noticing him punching and kicking bushes, whereupon they further noticed he reeked of alcohol and arrested him. He was charged with public disorderly conduct.

January 22nd, 2007

The check is in the mail -- somewhere. Postal workers in Owensboro, Kentucky have yet to receive their January 12th paychecks because they've gotten lost in the mail. The town's postmaster said she has tried to find the checks, but to no avail. As a result, she had to order new checks, which have yet to arrive.

January 17th, 2007

An Alabama man was charged with drug possession last week after he showed up at a courthouse and tried to hide a five-dollar bag of marijuana by swallowing it. The Decatur Daily newspaper reports a court officer noticed Raphael Bolden was trying to put something in his mouth while going through security. The item was too big for him to swallow and the officer discovered it was a bag of marijuana. Bolden was at the courthouse to receive a 13-day jail sentence for receiving stolen property. The marijuana charge will be processed after he completes his current jail sentence

January 16th, 2007

A 31-year-old man who lives with his mother was charged with arson Friday for allegedly burning down her house after she told him to get a job. Investigators in Monroe, Louisiana, say Richard Nance used a cigarette lighter to set fire to the living room couch because he was angry at his mother for telling him to get up and find a job. The mother was next door when the fire started. Authorities say the house, which was valued at more than 50 thousand dollars, was declared a total loss.

January 15th, 2007

It's traditional for brides to toss their wedding bouquets, but a Scottish groom has been in hot water ever since he decided it would be a good idea to toss a beer keg. Published reports from Edinburgh say 24-year-old Joseph Stewart became upset when a number of drunken people crashed his wedding reception last September. Police arrived to calm things down, but Stewart, who was also drunk, became more enraged and threw glasses and a beer keg at officers. He spent his wedding night in jail.

A court Friday found him guilty of disturbing the peace and sentenced him to 120 hours of community service, but the sentence his 21-year-old bride gave him was worse. She moved back with her parents on the wedding night and has lived there without her new husband ever since. He's living with his brother

January 12th, 2007

A Bulgarian car thief just can't keep himself out of arm's way. A one-armed man named Rumen Dimitrov was recently arrested for the seventeenth time for car theft. The 50-year-old's first arrest came way back in 1973. A police officer said, "He's probably Bulgaria's worst criminal."

January 10th, 2007

Today's winner is one Danny Villegas, who robbed a bank in South Daytona, Florida on Monday so he could be arrested and return to prison.Villegas walked into the bank and told the teller he planned to rob it. Then, he asked her to call the police before sitting down in the lobby to wait for cops to arrive. When officers showed up, they arrested him. Police say Villegas served nearly six years in jail for robbing a California bank a decade ago

January 9th, 2007

A man recently made sure he got door-to-door service when going to a Fort Lauderdale, Florida jail. On Sunday, the man intentionally drove his car into the gate at Broward Main Jail. Officials say he may have been drunk at the time. He walked away uninjured and was immediately arrested.

January 8th, 2007

Every time you think you've heard the dumbest criminal ever story, a new one comes along and raises the bar. This time it's 21-year-old Derek Pierson Jr. who was arrested in Shreveport, Louisiana, after allegedly attempting to rob a convenience store. It was about as easy an arrest as possible because dumb Derek somehow failed to notice that one of the customers waiting in line at the cash register was uniformed police officer L.J. Scott, of the armed robbery task force!

January 5th, 2007

Police in Santa Clara County, California, had no problem tracking down the burglar who broke into a vacant home this week -- they found him taking a nap on the living room floor. Investigators say 45-year-old Esteban Avila broke into the home through a sliding-glass door and helped himself to a can of beans and some booze inside. The homeowner had moved out a week earlier, but stopped by the house and called police when he spotted Avila sleeping on the floor

January 4th, 2007

An armed robber walked into a clothing store in Zagreb, Croatia, this week and ran out moments later when the female clerk laughed and said he looked like a little schoolboy. Published reports say the robber demanded cash, but the only thing the clerk could offer was giggles. The clerk told a local newspaper, "He just looked so young and nervous, like a spotty schoolboy on his lunch break and it just made me laugh to think he was trying to be a tough guy with a gun robbing a store." The clerk told police the baby-faced robber was so shocked when she started laughing, he turned and ran. Investigators are reviewing video from the store's security camera.